Saturday, December 29

here is, to a better year.

here's to the new year:

  1. hopefully to become tougher, strong willed, and more determine (isn't that all the same thing?)
  2. no more unresolved things. everything that happened in one day, should be conclude and should be locked, and kept away to never be ungkit2
  3. no more giving face to guys who are insecure about their heights! if u can't catch this fish don't even try...move on!
  4. no more saying 'yes, i'll do it' but i really what i mean by that is '....i'll do it until u ask me to do it the 2nd, 3rd, 4th time!'
  5. no more unplanned shopping spree (my weakness) cause money really doesn't grow on trees.
  6. saving should be something real, not just an angan2.
  7. the world doesn't end if i don't have matching make ups.
  8. stop saying how expensive gas it getting, cause the thing is i don't have a car and daddy's car is always full. just fill that up.
  9. no more going to shoe stores buying shoes that i already have the twin in my closet. beige is beige. pink is pink. black is black. i don't need 4 pairs of the same color.
all in all, resolutions are all about how i spend my money. mudahan rezeki diberkati cause i knw tonnes of setan are packed in my bag calling my name to do an unplanned shopping. wwwwwahahaha. baby nikki, i'm coming! i'm saving every single cent to own u!

Sunday, December 16

yesterday's traffic

yesterday, while cruising...
i was clearly trippin' (hehe)

my task yesterday was to drop off inventory at Karamunsing's branch and then go to CPS to assist my bro in coding the sale item. the time taken to go from Karamunsing to CPS= 45 minutes!
by that time i was really hungry and i didn't think twice and makan di dalam kereta. hoho. sotong and driving? fatal combination. hehe. then there's a taxi behind me dgn selamba nya potong masuk in front of me dgn tajam nya, so i have no choice but to let him be (with a honk dari awal dia mo masuk sampai la i can't see him). i think, i'm positive, dia tu sebenarnya dangki (jealous) to see me eating inside my car.
the said taxi! this was taken in front of waterfront, the traffic jam was terrible! teda yang tgk lampu, semua main langgar saja. i? follow hehe. from warisan to cps parking took me 20 minutes. i can feel my fuel hilang begitu sahaja. and everybody yang terkena jam kemarin memang semua kenduri di Shell afterwards.

Saturday, December 15

eye on Malaysia? NICEEEE. when we see this view, it's pretty self-explanatory.


are all eyes on HINDRAF? go figure. while searching for this picture, some of the caption i found would be 'UMNO musuh kita!'. ouchie. that's kinda harsh. and declaring ada rusuhan kaum, tomorrow? now that's what we call as planning (& telling). hope there won't be any execution following that statement. we have lots of other things to worry about.

Friday, December 14

missing pieces

somebody took a bite of my chiem piang. i really wanna know who.

Thursday, December 13

5 days to Arafah for my parents.

-may they be safe always in the hand of the Creator

Monday, December 10

Question of the day

after a long drive home and countless pit stops on the way, the only question i have when i reached home is :

is there a way for my car to slip in between the iron bars of the gate so that i don't have to open it?

i'm sure i'm not the only crazy one feeling like that, cause the one invented remote controlled gate most certainly feels the same. note to self : next time if (if) i have my own place, i'd make sure remote controlled gates are on top of my must-have list.

and remote controlled door, remote controlled shower, remote controlled dinner-maker, and of course remote controlled washing machines (that have it's own brain). cause washing machine this days still make you work!! blabs of the tired mind.

a daddy's girl story

when i was little, i remember so clearly where we lived. i didn't have a room, in fact nobody hav their own room. me and my siblings age gap isn't that big and i think everyone is still busy fighting for attention. we didn't have a room because we pretty much liked hanging out in our parents room. the truth is, the next room is haunted, yet nobody wants to admit that they are afraid.

i still remember how bouncy mom's hair was. "tarik semua rambut macam mau di ikat lepas tu tarik tinggi2, jgn lepas, baru baring...kalau begitu. rambut ayang nda kusut kalau bangun pagi" an advice i follow till today. dad wud take a late night shower and before going to bed i remember the smell of his talc. something that couldn't be erase from my head.

we lived a simple life, daddy a GM in an estate an hour away from Sandakan. i had no many friends since we lived in a colonial style house up in a hill. my companion are none other than my brothers, who found amusement in making me cry. we didn't have much to do, waited all day long for daddy to come home and tell on what my brothers did to me. we had a simple life, maybe because i was a little girl with no worries, or perhaps things were much simpler back then.

other than my brothers and some neighbors to play with, i have a big deer, like a lullaby machine -- pull it's string and it'd start spinning with a soft sound. that the only thing where i find refugee other than daddy's arm and mom's caress. i'd sit by the window and wait for daddy. "if a bed is attached to a wall is called a bunk, what do we call a sofa attached to a window?" a word that i keep on asking daddy and i never do remember. all i remember i sat there everyday, half past 4 to wait for daddy.

it's been 20 days since they are away, and i miss them so much. the 15 minutes i let myself cry in the bathroom feels more like i'm suffocating myself for i've kept it so long. i cry so loud in my heart, only i hear, hidden away from my sis -- afraid that she might have been keeping it to herself and not wanting to let it out.

it's been too long since they left, and too long before they'll be back. berserah segala supaya semua berada di bawah lindungan-Nya.

Sunday, December 9

long long long time

life's getting slower. no recent updates. this is all due to no internet connections! =_=" somewhow my brains went to a freeze (more like a vacation).

i will start blogging soon, when i fix everything up. soon!!

this life is so slow~ :(

Thursday, November 29

my '07 birthday

i have this thought that this year would be a bitter birthday since my parents is not around, cuz then i knw my brothers would forget my birthday too cuz they never do unless my dad n mum give them reminder (through a buffet dinner nonetheless). my sister always remember my birthday as her birthday is a week apart from mine.

my best and most memorable birthday would be when i turned 9. i was a bit bumped at first cuz neither my dad nor my mom greeted me happy birthday in the morning (the brothers pun jgn harap la), but my dad told me that we'd be having dinner at my fav place, XO; of which i recall is situated in Bandar Ramai-Ramai Sandakan. i can still remember what i wore, a cute grey skirt with purple bow on my head...(it's post 80's, gimme a break!). heran jua tgk my parents senyum lebar2 but still didn't wish me happy birthday. my uncle went to the car and brought a cake from the was a huge cake with cute garfield on it..that was the last cake i ever had with candles for birthday. still it was the best birthday i ever got, perhaps because of the anticipation -- with parents and brothers being extra nice though haven't gave me the wishes.

yesterday was my birthday. i turned 22. biani mun birthday di tunggu2 sb luan nunggu umuu meningkat. kaang ani inda lagi. turning 22 made me feel much much much older, yet not much wiser than before. turning 22 made me feel that i have more responsibility to take. and most importantly (and obvious) turning 22 made me think that all type of clock is ticking away without me having any improvement.

supposedly to celebrate my birthday me and my girlfriends would be going out for dinner, but since babe's mom is here we switched plans and have a small gathering at babe's house instead. birthday girl turned to be driver girl, driving babe's mom to menggatal to visit her relative. there, i get the best gift for birthday i could ever had.

it was a piece of advice to me from babe's uncle, a wise man indeed.

"lai, walaupun ko habis sudah diploma, uncle faham baiknya ko karaja arah bapa mama mu. tapi don't ever stop learning. kalau boleh sambung lagi ke degree, master. InsyaAllah, berjaya. kita mengambil sijil ani bukannya untuk bkaraja arah dangan saja. it's self-fulfillment and most importantly qualification will make u qualified to be a leader. kitani kekurangan banar pemimpin org diri!"

i was deeply moved. there he sat, and i take that very much like a fatherly advice. it's God's blessing for me. people can say million words, millions of times, but if it's really what Allah wanted and what my parents have been praying for for years, it need only once to be said, and will instantly have a deep place in heart.

for me, that's the best gift ever.

though my parents forgot to greet me, but it's understood that there is time difference between here and there. plus they are leaving Madinah after Asr for Makkah. mum and dad called and greet me, i doesn't matter if it's late, all i know is their prayer is with me.

happy birthday to me, a year older, hopefully much wiser.

Monday, November 26

berpinar-pinar bigi mata

am i there yet? <-- my most frequent question swimming inside my head. not that i'm going anywhere and waiting to get to the point of destination. it's just how i felt. not only my head that feels like swimming. my vision. my feeling. terutama bigi mata (eyeballs).

hard for me to get up from bed, let alone do the morning exercise! i woke up at 9, figured that i had no time for exercise no more. i sat on my bed, cari my towel and went to my moms room...and took another dive on the bed. i sleep in for another few minutes before taking my shower.

it's only 5 and blaing sudah mata ku. i'm so messed up, feel like going home a.s.a.p cuz i have this question i keep asking myself sudah kah ku tutup iron tu tadi ah?

abis lah if i didn't switch it off.

this is such a bad day. i think i forgot to switch off the iron. i was late for work (thus at that moment of kelambatan all bad thoughts dtg menyinggah di otak, like about the iron). i was tired and my head keep on spelling the word lethargic, i don't know why. i forgot to bring my wallet and didang called asking me to buy kaki ayam for dinner.

at this point, dinner is such a vague destination. IT'S ONLY 5!!~

my question is, why do everytime kita mo bergegas we'll remember everything that we should be doing and whether we already did it or not, e.g switching off iron & tambak api, locking our house, tutup pam air and so much more. it's like my parents pny nasihat abt do's and don'ts flashing in front of me on my 15 minute ride from home to work. i'm careless. that's a fact.

Friday, November 23


well, recently, mom and dad safely went for Haj. i cried like a lil baby, but who r u kidding, this is daddy's girl we're talking about.

first day of getting to work without parents fussing over this and that is a last i can do things on my own pace. but when it comes to the second, third's such a torment where i have to pick up after my brother and sister. afterall this, i think the fussing is necessary to get us doing something that we should have been doing.

that's getting to work. at work on the other hand, is another challenge. today is Day 5 of coding all the inventory into our cash register. pening! too many things to do.

yesterday on the other hand, somebody popped by to make my day :) my darln eve came by. her exact word was pura-pura datang. it's good to know that she remembers me and actually came by to chat.

we went for our lunch, but on our way finding what to eat (mind-boggling task for me, daily!) we heard a loud bump and as i trun i saw an old guy on the floor. i didn't know what to do, and snapped out of it to help him up. he was disabled in some way, but for me at that moment, eve's heart was in 'disable' mode. we both helped the old man, let him sit for a while, and i check whether he's ok. i felt bad to the point where i lost my appetite (skit la, i masih chow down on my food hehe). but eve was okayyyyy saja. i thought she was in 'disable' mode, where actually she got it sll figured out. 'he's fine la. we helped him right? u want what? ask him what he needs? next he say he wants food and ask you to send him home, how?'. well that kinda make sense. few minutes later, i saw him in mcD asking for ppl's change. eve said don't even bother, 'look at the shoes, it's still brand new!'. i know that she meant to help me, jgn baik hati sangat, but somehow there's something about the way that old man looked that made me pity him so much. i just hope thatone day, if my dad need help, or need a lift, there would be ppl coming to help him.

perhaps it's just me missing my dad. and it's only 3 days??? gosh.

boss la konon key said. 'boss'. boss at making bad decision! haha!

still dealing with the insurance and the figure they should reimburse. still dealing with coding. still dealing with waking up early in the morning. still dealing with me turning 22. better luck. and eve, as loud as both of us can be, i'm still happy she dropped by :)

Monday, November 19

the ride

daddy : ayg, open the window

*me scrolling down the window*

me : what is this for again?

daddy : you see that guy in front of us tadi. aiyor, asal kereta dia teruk betul. ppl like them we label as tidak makan saman.

me : and opening the window for...?

daddy : ya la, u know the asap poisonous punya! we're letting the gas out la. once there was a guy who tried to kill himself by inserting the carbon monoxide back into the car. stupid way to die.

----deep silence----

me : daddy aren't we letting more carbon monoxide in with the window open?

daddy : eh, i'm trying to teach u something ah!

i'm so gonna miss daddy trying to teach me something and making few points clear and making up his 777-ways-for-a-girl-to-live for me. so sweet. i don't care if it makes sense in a second and doesn't on the other. all i know is that somebody is wanting me to live a better life. them leaving tonight :(

see the sky

this is hot. i so wanna know who took this picture (and who's the hot girl). found it on some spanish site that i stumbled in. so niceeeee

like i know right?

this past few days, it past in a quicker pace. have been day dreaming a lot (than usual). looking thru the window shop and tgk karamunsing starts decorating for Xmas. kadang2 looking outside tu i feel mcm i'm somewhere in kl pula. the decoration is extra nice this year. thumbs up for Crest M. (tho thumbs down for the pipe leakage in our shop ;[ )

i surfed the net for random things, and i was like thinking, perhaps i can check out some stuff that i want for my birthday. like i know right? like i'm so clever. since i had no time to window shop, with mom and dad going for Haj soon, why not just surf the net. than i found out that there is a great thing online called wishlist, and i think it's like the easiest thing to let ppl know what you want, like i know right? but it was a bit fussy registering and all.

that's hot!

and i know you're like extremely annoyed with the way i blog, like i know right?? hahaha actually i've been dloading the hills season 1 and have been watching it over and over again, not mentioning i saw it once on MTV. and their way of talking kinda seep through me haha...i just love them so much...they are so VIP styled...LIKE I KNOW RIGHT???

Saturday, November 17

picture of the day

so true. no wonder.

Friday, November 16

mumbles (of nothingness) to myself

  • eat before tanda-tanda of gastric mula muncul. it's never fun to have gastric. plus the ulcer involved, the potential for more money spent on memulihkan diri dari gastrik.
  • i haven't seen much of the world. i mean the other, other part of the world. not just around the block down the hood.
  • ...thus save money for travelling
  • this weight, unnecessary weight is really unnecessary. i know that i need (read:need!) to lose all these burden
  • people tend to label the 'this-friend' and the 'that-friend' but i'm just happy to be one of the friend that they know they can fall on to (literally). it doesn't matter lah if not included here and there, but u know. (actually this untuk menyenangkan hati sendiri)
  • birthday coming soon. i hope no surprise party or anything (including lunch ka dinner ka...) cuz 1. i don't like to celebrate it, 2. i don't want group of friends fussing over me turning 22, 3. i just don't want to have one!
  • but i still wonder what would i get for my birthday hehehe
  • i think (i'm positive) somebody's gonna give me a 5-day shopping spree heee thx (i spoil the surprise myself)
  • uwaaaaaa mum n dad going soon :(
  • i really should be speeling sleeping now
  • this is such a waste of time. menyalah gunakan the so-called digital notepad. whaddevvvvvv~~~

the one left behind

yesterday was a day off, to drive home to sipitang. since mum, dad, ucu & uncle, mama & bapa going to leave for Haj soon; which is on Tuesday morning, a kenduri arwah was done after prayer last night to mark them going soon.

it was kinda sad, i know i'm used of not having mum and dad around all the time, but to this clueless little faces?

they can't even understand why their parents are leaving for almost 45 days. right before we drive back to kk, i had a small talk with hasya and everytime i talk about how soon will her parents be going and how she must be super nice to her baby brother, she just smile and pretends that she didn't hear it. it must be real hard on her. living with her grandparents and having other ppl than her parents to take care of her. sigh. i can imagine that. i've been through that once. and it's kinda rough.

coincidently, when we were already in Beaufort, mum received a call saying that her uncle's wife's mother passed away a few minutes before the call. the term kenduri arwah literally carries the exact meaning.

we entered the house, mum & dad directly went to read holy verse for the arwah. terkejut juga cuz when i entered the house i think i saw the arwah sitting in the living room. i took a second glance, took a deep breath of relief because it was just my imagination. old people tend to look alike, just like all babies tend to look alike too.

i was kinda sad, though i'm not that close to her, but i know her. the drive home was a bit quiet, perhaps everybody else is thinking what i'm thinking too. i think, i need to start going back to visit my grandparents more often. need to listen to them more.

i asked bapa if he can pray for my success in building my own business soon. he said that he want none other than for me to be happy doing what i choose to do, and he said that he'd be happy to know that i wanna be an entrepreneur just like how he build his family up.

"Death stares at up in the eyes 70 times a day, and still the angel of Death is puzzled why we are still laughing the day away, when Death is too near"

Wednesday, November 14

soaked on monday

well, today, work is work as usual (playing computer games, blogging, friendsterizing, and a bit work here and there). had another new piece of work coming in (more like piece of $#!t, haha! joking lah!) i didn't know that there would also be people out there, hating sequin so much that they would actually send the material here so that i can take the sequin off. well i guessed wrong. there IS people who actually really really hate sequin.

got a call from the insurer (of Crest M.) asking for a claim list. uh, didn't we like did that together 2 days ago? i said positive positive positive that the claim list if already final.

on the other hand, who'd know this kind of thing would happen to the boutique. soaked with water, almost half of the boutique kena air, needless to say our inventory. what a luck. nasib this happened when my daddy's around. if when they're not here (another 6 days), i dunno la, habis rambut i tercabut berfikir.

i guarantee you that water (black in color, yang lain2 tu tambahan dari the makcik yang cleaning it up) consist of air tikus yang sudah mati!


well i didn't know that the bomba's water sprinkler boleh suddenly burst, and to my surprise the water was FILTHY it made my skin rash a bit. sure, mesti ada tikus mati in the sprinkler tank. pls pray that the insurer wouldn't be too hard on us. i mean, we are already in great loss. when both the insurer and us make the claim list they were more than willing to tolak every single item yang nampak tidak damage. 'lembap saje tak kire lew Cik' eh, org semenanjung? nampak muka macam kubis juga. tsk tsk...

i hope next time i know how to deal with this kind of things if daddy's not around to handle it. lessons in life.

Saturday, November 10

the diary of a celebrated model

1. a model is always late; tho they refer to it as fashionably late. whatever it is called, it still means that the production somehow have to be postponed for an hour or two (that's if you're lucky). most of the time, they'd be late because of a hangover (from a party last night), stuck in traffic, hair appointment went on extended hours, not feeling well and so on. the below model, on the other hand is just too lazy to get up, he's still limpang-limpang when the shooting session is supposed to start.

i'm still resting!!

2. a model always refuses for a touch-up and makes the i'm-so-annoyed face expression. they believe that since they are the model, they know pretty much how to put their own make-up on. and being the diva (or divo) that they are, a photo count should always be based on them, not the photographer. if the photographer pandai-pandai do the counting, the below result is the consequence.

i said i'm not ready!!

still not ready!! can't u see??

3. a model always, always tease and play with the camera. giving bad poses intentionally. giving poses that cover certain part of their face. in this case, the left eye.

i'm told to work the nike brand so that's what i'm doing, that's why i'm tilting my head for a clear view of the brand.

4. when we instruct the model to do something, they'll always overdo it.

u want vain? i'll give you vain! u want sexiness, i'm pouting my lips!

5. but it's always worth the wait for some really perfect shot!!

cover shot for kids sport wear magazine 2007

perfect 10/10. gangsta style! breed to be vain and a perfectionist!

Wednesday, November 7

just a little lovin early in the mornin

everything seems to be more beautiful in the morning! and i mean early early in the morning.

such an awesome God creation.

woke up early in the morning as usual for a jog. i can't help but stop to admire the beautiful color of the bougainvillea. likas was full blown with colors from blooming flowers. it must be some kind of spring here during this time of the year. such a good view for a morning jog. i am happy that i'm keeping healthy and determine *wink*

morning gossips between feeding the fishes. that's so multi-tasking. i bet they are talking bout the neighbor next door who's sleeping with a certain someone or somebody's business going down.

and yes, I AM still jogging at that time. i know, i know. where did i get the time to take pictures of people and flowers. multi-tasking are made for girls :) but yeah, i was actually trippin' for a while.

that's not quite right

now that's better. this is no other than TRIPPIN'. i feel like i'm in L.A or something with those trees at the back

introducing the circle of hell. it's F&^%ing painful! i can't even imagine how somebody behind me can brisk walk on this thing. i can barely stand!

*counting and hoping*

Tuesday, November 6

just a thought

i was browsing thru my friendster when i stopped by my junior's page. one of her friend (who is also my jr) happens to brag (sorry i can't help it but i think she is) about just how L-U-C-K-Y she was to get a job, a permanent one with pension and mind you her pension age would be 56 (why wud she state that, i pun tak paham! i mean that's pretty obvious).

what does that screams to me? >>> "i'm secure with a job serving the government, working for another pathetic 35 years literally kissing somebody's ass, kerja makan gaji with perhaps kenaikan gaji yang berlaku every 10 years"

i'm sorry i'm not here to offend :-
a. government servants. where would we be if they are slouching
b. people who decided to work until their pension age
c. ass kisser
d. ppl who makan gaji

perhaps i don't know any better. not that i'm proud of where i'm and decisions i took, but for her to B-R-A-G about it? puh-lease honey. wake up smell the coffee. there's nothing great about working for other ppl with a boss who have a heart a size of a pea.

and i'm also not here t offend
e. bosses

maybe, just maybe, I'm wrong and maybe somehow my theory seems fair only to my judgment but somehow i think those deserving stuck-ups did the same when i made my decision of staying where i am!

so, c'est la vie.

p/s: sorry but i'm just pissed that she bragged about it. my real problem was that exactly.

Monday, November 5

es britney perra

some say it was a bad performance. the look on the audiences face were priceless! at first her performance were drowned by the dancers, but she step up at around -1:25. a bit before the end of the song she stopped lip syncing all together.

'yeah it's great if you consider her hands-in-the-air as dancing!'
'she look like she's about the pass out or something!'
'why would she wear a bra&panties if she think she's fat?'

some of the critics. but what the hell, the one criticizing definitely are not the fan. why even bother. i just happen to love her music. that's right, es britney perra!

Sunday, November 4

midnight's perhaps

the thinking starts midnight. the thinking start just a liiiiittle bit too annoying but still clinging to the last piece of nerve in the back of my mind.

perhaps it's time. to get back. to what Alice of L Word refers to as the good ol' boy-girl relationship. considering, considering, considering.

nah. i can do without boys, guys, man, wadeva, for the time being. i can't stand the typical guy = football, late on dates, insensitive, sloppy, easily gratified by tatas (eventually will lead to the next 'quality'), sex driven...and so on. the list may go on and on and on.

perhaps the way i judge men wud rub them the wrong way (i'm certain they will) since there is nothing nice that i said about them. but what can i say, most of them are as described. perhaps some will say i'm shallow. perhaps i'm. i don't mind because this is what i think. you, on the other hand may say whatever u please too.

and yes, it's true what my friend said, NO DOUBLE STANDARDS PLEASE. i want what i want, i don't have to please other ppl. period.

as for now, boy-girl relationship ranked in at the very bottom of my list, if not at all. i love guy friends, just not as partners. lagipun i play for the all girls team! haha! the whole different ball game, just like key's "friend" described ppl like us. WUDEVA BITCH!

Saturday, November 3

rainy rainy

the time crawls so slowwwwwwww today.
hungry, not hungry.
not feeling so well.

i felt a bit tense on my shoulder, and coincidently one of my customer today owns a reflexology just a level up from the boutique. she gave a warm invitation to her shop where she provides a whole body massage....mmmmm sounds hour full of massages from head to toe...just what i needed! plus it's only $50...perhaps i'd go tomorrow

1. have a hair treatment
2. shop a bit
3. see friends
4. have 2 mangkuk of mak mok's delicious bakso...yumm!! :)
5. stop by at key's wall-of-art, can't wait to see the project!

maybe i should squeeze in the body massage...after all mummy's going soon and it'd be us 3 working day and night, non stop till u drop.

i'm happy to see the sun for the first time after few days of rainy afternoon (morning, evening, night = whole day raining). that gives me hope that soon i can start to jog in the morning with daddy. feeling sluggish after too long of zero exercise. let's see this time whether my determination could actually last :) being 22 and healthy!

Thursday, November 1


me n my bro were both eager to see who captured who first. a typical day at work...desperately finding a way to kill time...

Monday, October 29


sundah morning, and it's pouring. hmmm...what a day to take the week off. if it's raining, means heavier traffic; means more time taken to get from one point to another. hmmm...what a day to take the week off.
brought along my sister (the picture-taking-obsessed sister) so that we can catch a movie. later on we watched 30 days of night. amazingly, i scream louder (loudest in cinema) than my sister.

i told you she was obsessed in taking pictures. so do i.
had lunch at secret recipe. we just haveeee to check out what's the fuss is all about with the cakes there. the choc cheese cake was delicious! and so was the spag. meatball...yum yum...

went out with babe too...kusyukkkk tgk badminton while me n my sis having our diner at likas' Bilal cafe. today was fun...apart from the pouring rain, all was good. 29-oct wud be ren's befday. soon it will be mine too. such a one way street.

Friday, October 19


hari raya means...

new shoes :) new kurongs :)

FOODS!! air tangan ibu n nenek the best! :) mum as usual, everytime i lift my camera up, she'd act as if it was candid...the whole idea of candid is no acting mum *sigh* hehehe.. daddy and uncle adnan as usual melayan makanan after their Eid ul-Fitr prayer. Kelupis, my favourite! and being a Kedayan, i'm proud to say that i know how to make kelupis hehe

best pic i've taken of my nephew Amir and my fav. cuzzie Acha..she looks so confuse as to why amir wanted to grab the camera instead of posing 'pretty pretty princess'.calmly she put her hand on his shoulder and told him to look into the camera. as for the second picture (which is perfect) acha was happy to see herself as a 'pretty pretty princess'.

FAMILY!! my mum mendukung my cuzzie and amir with his 'jealous-sensor' switched on, trus berlari-lari anak minta my mum dukung jua...kiddies :) hehe siok jua tgk that scene.

btw, all in all, during hari raya on average i consumed :-
>>1 kg of beef
>>whole chicken
>>3 cups of salt
>>4 cups of sugar (in soda form)
>>quarter kilo of langsat
>>5 biji durian
>>and NIL fibre

selamat Eid ul-Fitr to all..maaf z&b

Thursday, October 11


everytime that i feel so stressed out cuz of the busyness before Eid, i'd remember that once i can get my holiday (wehe!) i'd be going to manukan with my friends :) the above picture was taken a year ago when i went for a trip with my friends from college...those were the days....

if only i possess 30 hours instead of 24 in a day...but along with extra time would be extra things to work work...if only i can possess more...

Saturday, October 6

6 days before Eid

things are getting very hectic. i have been very busy, sleep at 2 a.m every night (morning,i may say), wake up around 4 for Sehri, and wake up again at 9 to go to work.

everybody seems to be taking the toll of working hard and sleeping late. angah with an ulcer, mum with sore legs, and me with a cold that never seems to get better. grandpa told us that they are having water-shortage (when will they not) during Eid, which means we would be spending perhaps a day or two in kampong before going to Borneo Golf and Country Club for a break :) :) :) hurmmm...i need that for now...

just in case you're wondering, nobody's playing Golf this round. we are going there to have a good good good sleep.

Friday, September 28

Ramadhan, 16th.

tick tock tick tock. eh?? 16th Ramadhan already? so what am i to do with all this work yang masih lagi berjela2?

that took me about 3 days to finish. i have another 5 to finish up, 2 yang sudah booking space, and i have the whole week next week untuk terima tempahan from a regular customer yang memang anak branak punya baju mo minta di bikin. nampak gayanya baju gue yang nggak sempat nich!!

di kala terpaksa,
keperluan dan kepentingan bulanan,
sentiasa mengikis gaji bulanan,
mampu atau tidak semua tempahan saya tetap katakan...
'ya kak, saya boleh buat ne'

good bye night sleep. good bye social networking. hello beads.

my dedication

this blog is dedicated to all Sung Siew's Girl Scout batch '97 who turned gay. i'm not implying that it's okay to do so, but yet i have no problem with ppl making their own decisions

some are really proud bout it, some say it shud be something kept to ourselves.
whaddeva it is :
i'm glad it's all out hehe

and i knw!! i memang dalam group bunga yang paling tak besh! yang paling mundur! yang paling nda happening!! (m.e.l.u.r) but at least i was nominated as best girl scout '97!! wpun i tak menang!! n kalah to rozaireen (ouch i guess that's what responsible on my ego being bruised)

Thursday, September 27

day off

woke up a bit late today. i searched thru my bed (really messy bed) to search for my cell so i can check what tym it is. i can't even bother to search any longer. all i know is that i'm late.

after a fast 7 minutes shower, i got dressed for work when mummy shouted from downstairs 'You're taking the day off today. stay at home with your sister!!' ahh...the joy of working for family is that your boss have the compassion for you when they know you stayed up all night working on a customer's order.

i didn't do much. laze around the house. tried to sleep but i can't. dad called reminding me to clean up my room >> 'that's what your day off is for, manis'. he also told me that ambank called and i got the job i applied a month ago.

disappointing, i know, for me to tell you all that i decided to turn down the offer. i called rena before calling ambank to tell them that i decided to stay with the family business. that's what d.i.p.l.o.m.a b.u.s.i.n.e.s.s s.t.u.d.i.e.s is for >>> business. i decided to stay, for the sake of family, for the sake of my own interest in opening a business of my own one day and for the sake of money (haha!) i earn more now than i will earn working at ambank. cocky, maybe. but that's reality baby. i gather up my courage, called ambank and do what i gotta do. 10-minutes later, they call my dad back (he was a family-friend) and asked that perhaps i can think it over before giving a final say.

i already made up my mind.

got a call earlier on from babe telling me that she's going to tg aru to meet with dk. 'her house got burned down', she said casually, and i didn't really take it seriously, as i was still a bit 'bintang2' (pening2). then when i went online baru lah i tau betul2 pula ada rumah terbakar di tg. aru!! i called dk right up and she was bummed that the incident happened, but thank the Lord that her house was saved! i called up again at night just to check whether everything is okay, and asked if any damage was done...myb terbakar ckit or anything...'we were lucky that the house in front of us sj yang kena api, we were saved by the fire fighters...and there were no damaged done by the fire...just by the bomba lah yang menyembur air p rumah kami. habis basah!'

whatever it is, i still thank Lord that everything is ok. i have faith in God that my loved ones would be taken care of.

i hope all 300 ppl made homeless because of the fire would be ok. what an Eid they would be having this year. my prayers are for them.

we all should be thankful.

i cleaned up my room petang2 skit.....and at last i found the air-conditioner's remote buried under piles (& piles) of cloths..i had a bad sneeze after...berhabuk!!

i need the les cleaner from l-word :(

Tuesday, September 25

Ramadhan, 13th.

it's the 13th day of Ramadhan. nothing evolve much (except for my list of customers waiting for their beaded kurong to finished by me) -- and i mean literally, cuz i have been eating the same thing 13 days straight for my sungkai.

>> the typical favourite...!!this is what the table looks like few minutes before sungkai. still quite crowded with my measuring tape n beads. i'm currently working on a crepe silk which is SUPER DUPER fragile and easily berlubang...even dgn menyucuk jarum and benang pun sudah bercerai...apa lagi dgn kehadiran seems impossible, but the customer insisted that it is possible. then ma'am, i have to say that the price also would be equally possible :)

>> oh did i tell u i like tea? hehe. my second round. mum thinks it's ridiculous to have all 4 tea bags at one time. two of the first round, and two fresh one. 'i haven't feel the kick of the first one mum, this might do it with all four inside!!' wahuahua...i think mum sometimes view me as a very strange daughter. i know she does.

>>nyum2...13 days going to 30!! huhuhu

why my weight is still the same is still mind-boggling. i eat 2 meals a day during ramadhan and that's that. weight:same, if not more.

hoping. and hoping. and hoping.

Friday, September 21


customers can be a pain sometimes. asking for sizes for the exact fabric and material. read: B-O-U-T-I-Q-U-E. means everything here is exclusive. i wouldn't have 5 of the exact things for different sizes.

then after sizes, comes the matter of color. they rummaged through the shop insisting on color such as 'dark turquoise-bluish-greenish' like hello? turquoise is in fact greenish-blueish. and get this, 'merah merah maroon but more like purple'. so where does the 'merah-merah' goes if it's maroon if it's purple? maybe at times they are truly searching for the exact color for their hari raya theme for their family (read:beli lah segulung kain yang sama), but most of the time they tried on kurongs or kebaya or modern jubah and decided (in the fitting room, nonetheless) that they don't want it (after trying like 7 outfits) because the color ain't right. so why tried it on the first place if it's red and u wanted YELLOW? since this is getting more familiar to me, i just make the assumption that they actually baru ternampak the price tag inside the fitting-room when they are trying it on. because when i gave them the yellow instead of red, they still say they need a lighter-darker shade. like WHATEVVVVVVVVVVVVV.

then after the size, came the color, and then come the price issue. some didn't even ask for discount, but some insisted on it. '5 ringgit sajaaaaa?' telan liur saja lah but i have to put up with it. then ada lagi the classic move, the classic of them all. 'nie teda harga offer kah for Hari Raya? atau sekarang hari raya you kasih naik harga pula?'

stupid @$$!! nasib i puasa. sabar saja lah. naik harga konon. u pikir ne kedai jual ayam kah bang sampai kami suka2 naikkan harga?

sabar sajalah......

Sunday, September 16


the past few weeks had been mind-blowing with exhilaration. with Ramadhan already a few days in (alhamdullillah dpt juga menjalankan ibadah puasa sekali lagi tahun ini), things have been really busy with customers coming in and out buying new clothes for hari raya preparation. at times i feel the pressure, but at some other point, i'm happy that this year i'm helping with my family's business.

[amir's birthday]
it was on 12th September. i would put his birthday picture, but i wasn't invited to the party. haha! he had a small party, attended by himself, his mummy and his daddy. 'you din invite his playmates from next door??' my mom asked. few days after his birthday, they came for a visit to our house.

...this was a candid picture of my officially 2-years young nephew. but he insisted on having a picture perfect...he's happy to see that his picture is perfect with that grin hehe.

i asked him 'amir skrg sudah 2 tahun, apa yang amir buat lebih dari waktu amir 1 tahun?' as if understanding what my every single word meant, he said 'makan'. haha!getting bigger meaning eating more?

this is a picture of amir eating bubur durian. actually i meant to take his pic alone, but my brother along insisted that he's also in the picture. i was clever to pick a pic that he's not looking into the camera.

this week, i met another long lost friend, my sayang evelyn. it has been 7 years since we last saw each other. she repeatedly said to me, 'it's like we are fated to be together right? we have been in touch and out of reach for the past 7 years, losing each others phone number'. i was glad i met her. i'm glad i have a friend like evelyn.

having a family already, i asked evelyn twice, 'are you happy with where you're at?' not that i'm being judgmental, but naturally i just wanted to know how is it coping with a husband and an adorable 4 year old. she said that she's more than happy, and she was glad that she married at a young age. 'how can i not be happy?i have everything'. if rena heard this, both of us would be killing ourself inside (specially ren hehe). being married and all. she's awesome.

as we were enjoying our lunch (we were having it at usagi) she said that my laughter is still the same. the same rhythm of laughter. we flashback on how we became friends at first, how she switched her tuition session to match mine too. and we laughed out loud when we remember when we wrote a really hot and sexy and raunchy letter to the nerd of the class. she gave the wordings, i wrote it with my left hand. i wrote it with my left hand because i have a funny felling that the nerd (and very2 naive) would give the letter to our tuition teacher. kalau tulis with my right hand mati lah! memang dia dpt cam. but wat were we thinking?? 'when we were young ah, we were like daring betul, din think even an inch longer!' that was what eve said.

i really miss her so much.

[3rd ramadhan]
we bersungkai di tempat mak mok. she's going back to jawa barat on the 18th. we were all there, me, tini, dk, ayang and even her cousin. mak mok was utterly happy to see us, her 'anak-anak' here in the land where she strive for a living for her daughters in jawa barat. we hugged her so tightly, and i asked her will she be back...she said for sure she wud...'kalau nggak balik ngkos ndidik budak2 ya nggak ada,lagi susah mau hidup,lagi susah mo makan pakai'

some people take money for granted. but not mak mok. we paid for our sumptuous meal which only cost 25ringgit. she held the money in her hand and said that 'ini aja udah cukup anak-anak mak mok makan 5 hari!!' she joked i know, but i hugged her even tighter. i know she must miss her babies so much. it has been 1year and a half, and after 2months and a half, it would be another 1 or 2 years. i shud be granted to have a mother to go home to.

i always look up to her.

happy ramadhan to all.

Saturday, September 8


tho today's extremely busy, with mom just arriving last night from KL. there were lotsa things to do. but when somebody i miss so much call me up, i can't care bout anything other than to meet up. the long awaited 'meet-up'.

i was happy to see key at last, for 4 months now. i would have counted the days, discreetly of course, because i have endlessly joked about key's good memory for counting days and keeping dates. i told key that somehow the action of keeping the precise dates (and sometimes even precise times!) are just too pathetic and nerdy. without key knowing, i too counted the days that we were apart.

it's like my feelings are all mixed up. i'm so happy; for it's been a while. i'm so mad; because it's been a while. ashamed; that i let myself feel so bad for so long. it turns out that we were both shutting other people from our lives because of the same thing -- everything was so ugly and messy that we decided to just leave it like that.

it took a couple of hours, but i can assure that we were both still the same person. i tried hard to hold back tears of frustration hearing stories from key. it's just that key's voice is so familiar and it reminded me the warmth from the things i use to have. i had it back, i keep reminding myself that. i had it back. i had it back.

we talked bout lots of stuff and we were figuring things a moment at a time. everything takes tym...dat i reminded key over and over again. i guess key's not the player that was portrayed all along. so cushy mushy up inside :)

after a long day at work, we went out for dinner at the same place me and key had lunch -- Grace Garden. when daddy was talking, my head was somewhere else. today really meant something to me. the reality of my being. the reality of everything. i'm just happy that i made my transition and i'm happy where i am.

i accepted the reality that we have lots of different lovers from all walks of life, and lovers do come and go, leaving us with memories; whether we decide to live our life with the memories or just let it be a thing of the past. i strongly believe that memories are something that we can't really erase completely from our life. perhaps we don't feel the same anymore bout lotsa things, but reminiscing on things perhaps will give us the sense of familiarity, dat's why we can remember everything so vividly and clearly but part of feelings are already missing.

funny how dk txted me late at night saying that the memory of kissing lucy is so vivid and that dk think that the actual smell of lucy's neck is still very much the corner of dk's memory library for past lover. 'on the other hand manis, i still do kiss daya passionately.' and that was the last words.

i'm over few people, and i'm still finding a way to deal with the others. sometimes they just won't leave. perhaps i'll just let their memory linger, without having to deal with it so much.

i'm hoping to be braver day by day.

and i'm so happy this couple of days, i have everybody from my previous phase of life coming back to really live in my present. thx wany,ram and key for coming back. good friends are hard to find. i love my life.

Monday, August 27



that flashing number seems to be familiar, but i still can't remember who. as i give my first hello, i hear clearly two laughter so warm and so familiar. i'm happy to get that call. 'MINAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH' shouts the other end. i knew who it was. and who is sitting next to her (just by the way she breathes the air hehe). the usual suspects : Miss Suz and Miss J. still can't get use calling them other than that,though i finished having their class years ago. they say addressing them with 'Miss' made them sound older, which i like, cause eventually that means i sound younger (haha keep trying Jiey!). we quickly make arrangement for lunch.

unfortunately lunch was lunch only for them, cause they decided to eat nasi ayam singapore, of which i have doubts. even with rice so fragrant and tempting their hungry stomachs,they still share with me (with full passion lagi!) about their experience in Medan. with 3 of our laughters combined, all eyes were on us. talking, eating, poking, dramtic actions >>> all at once. thank God for the gift of multi-taking for females :)

their stay in Medan sounds so much fun. "eh eh btw jiey you wanna come with us to Tenom with the *'English Society' ah?". ok, not much of a Medan escapade, but small baby steps for me will do.

from nasi ayam singapore to changing tables at the food court, we exchange lotsa stories, from the biggest to the smallest, even about a certain somebody who's gay hanging in a certain gay bar in kk. with a reunion that havoc, u must think that we will part with hugs and kisses. ironically, we went on the same elevator, took different directions and have a casual bye.

at night after work i went straight to babe's house. dad, as usual, in his own world of 777-things-do's-&-don'ts-for-girls-driving-alone, started on his random number. 'If anybody stops you in the middle of the road, don't stop! if you have to run him over, just do it!'. i know he cares for me, but silently me n my mom exchange glance and we tried not to laugh. 'Daddy, i'm going to the taman next to our taman. the road is busy. if there is a man stopping my car, i bet there would be a lot of other car before me who already run him over!' (in my heart i continue that with 'if they also have Dad like you').

babe's house was full of smokes, and i know it's not anything local. i can smell most of it have flavors. i wasn't wrong, there were vanilla, cherry and chocolate. while enjoying it, me-babe-nana discussed what flavor will the tobacco company bring next. i go with realistic ones such as mocha, berry, and maybe even grape (some other fruity flavors such as green apple, lime, orange and so on already made by a company named DJ MIX), but nana getting carried away with the fruity flavor berangan-angan to see some local fruits flavor in cigarettes. 'manggis, mengkudu, belunu, durian, ya ya! that's it! maybe malboro buat durian flavor next time?guys?guys?' and we were already half way leaving her smoking alone.

i hugged babe one last time and went home with lotsa things that she bought for me from Labuan. i say please pray for me driving alone as it was already late.

suddenly i feel like i'll see the white ghost flying outside my window like in the scary movie 'JANGAN PANDANG BELAKANG' or any typical scary movie. in this case, i pray in my heart, because i know, this is one thing that i can't run over with the car.

today is filled with joy seeing people that i haven't seen for quite sometime. my advice : be a good friend and ring your besties. keep that friendship alive!

**English Society= a club that they made in PKK for "healthy activities". but i know it's for their own fun hehehe with all the road trips and everything. Genius i tell you! GENIUS!

Sunday, August 26

help me miss!!

Location : Pharmacy somewhere in KK

Jiey : hi i'm searching for *cough* *cough* *cough*

Helper : yes?

Jiey : searching for those ubat *cough* *cough* *cough*

Helper : yes?? (getting annoyed and rolling her eyes)

i would stay if i was that desperate. but i wasn't. can't she figure it out that i was badly in need of ubat batuk cap kapal laut? or ibu dan anak?? maybe not what brand i need but atleast she knows that i need cure for my cough. i was practically coughing her head off.

to all clueless shop assistants...all these hatred i send to you.

it's been too long

hi there stranger. been a long time since i last blogged.

I suppose, the only reason why i've been absent for so long is that i'm busy. super busy. with what? that, i'm not sure. i guess i just feel like everything is wrapped up in my own world.

i was lost, needless to say i was frantically searching a way out. but everything seems wrong and different. most of the things that hurt me the most the past 2-3 months would be myself, my acts, my failure to do something, friendships, commitments, and my world that totally flips upside down. i think i've caught the fever earlier than i thought i would. the middle-age crisis. only this would be like 7 years younger. to sum it all up, i was out of my comfort zone, facing things and doing things that i never imagine would go that way. i'm one well-planed bitch. and for it to go the other way around really upsets me. as for bad friendships, i guess i know how to choose now.

i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry...for these :

for the past 2-3 months, i haven't been out and about.
-->to make it fair, it was no fun for me either.

for the past 2-3 months, i have been picky with date arrangements
-->to make it fair, i have no time for myself too. to say no to your invitations made me feel bad for days.

for the past 2-3 months, i haven't been picking up calls
-->to make it fair, i don't even talk to myself anymore and i've lost touch of what i need

for the past 2-3 months, i haven't been myself....
to tell you the truth, it sux!

i have been better this past couple of weeks...getting life on track and my self-confidence back. been busy with work, and was sick (caught fever, this time, real fever XD).

though i'm still coughing badly, but i feel much better.
here's to a brighter future :)

by the way >>> above is what kept me occupied.

Friday, June 8

certainly 'the furious'

As usual i was quite occupied with the computer (attached as always), plus my head was spinning here n there thinking what should i be bringing tomorrow for my trip to Labuan. No matter how i write down what i should be bringing, eventually i'd still forget something. With my mind thinking what i should be bringing for the trip, physically n mentally am still attached to the computer.

Mom came down asking have i pack soap (soap?) and toothbrush.

'I still need to brush my teeth in the morning Mom'

'Still sincerely did u remember to pack that? nearly in every trip u buy new toothbrush'

I 'pura-pura' tidak dengar and continue surfing the net. To set the record straight, half of my mind did remember to pack the toothbrush. Then Dad came down asking have i packed SOAP (what's with the SOAP?) and he was pacing back and forth bising-bising asking why haven't i synchronize his phone to the computer.

'I will la Dad. I told u to eject the MMC first right?'

He mumbled something in our mother tounge n went upstairs.

...then the Father's Day commercial went on air. NICEEEEEEEEE timing. Made me feel bad.

on the other hand yayyyy to me am going to Labuan tomorrow. Will blog soon with the updates there :>

(notice there's no pic and stuff. blogging from home so chemeeeehhh one.)

Thursday, June 7

daily annoyance

Today seems to be the same like the ones before. But that sound, that drilling sound, is already picking on my last nerve.

This is the problem with where my shop is. The shopping complex is too eager to 'provide' everything to be 'brand new'. Good konoq for us, si pekedai. Their idea of brand new wud be changing the tiles on every floor, on every possible inch. My shop only happen to have one entrance. Sadly enough, when the front path of my shop is under construction, the shop had to be closed for 2 days.

Jadi bagus konoq that for us?

Seriously i can't see the difference. Shiny konoq yang baru. Leh.

Dad (big boss) came in a bit after 2, complaining lah this n that. 'Why lah u take that borang from JTK?'

...bah excuse me lah i din know

The question the person from Jabatan Tenaga Kerja was simply 'u work with salary' so i pun simply lah menjawab 'yes'. She gave me a form (more like a book punya tebal!) for me to fill in (read:the Dad's job)

somebody's waiting behind so i have to pass this...last tym i check this laptop was mine..but nda pa la give her the chance.

much love,

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