a daddy's girl story

when i was little, i remember so clearly where we lived. i didn't have a room, in fact nobody hav their own room. me and my siblings age gap isn't that big and i think everyone is still busy fighting for attention. we didn't have a room because we pretty much liked hanging out in our parents room. the truth is, the next room is haunted, yet nobody wants to admit that they are afraid.

i still remember how bouncy mom's hair was. "tarik semua rambut macam mau di ikat lepas tu tarik tinggi2, jgn lepas, baru baring...kalau begitu. rambut ayang nda kusut kalau bangun pagi" an advice i follow till today. dad wud take a late night shower and before going to bed i remember the smell of his talc. something that couldn't be erase from my head.

we lived a simple life, daddy a GM in an estate an hour away from Sandakan. i had no many friends since we lived in a colonial style house up in a hill. my companion are none other than my brothers, who found amusement in making me cry. we didn't have much to do, waited all day long for daddy to come home and tell on what my brothers did to me. we had a simple life, maybe because i was a little girl with no worries, or perhaps things were much simpler back then.

other than my brothers and some neighbors to play with, i have a big deer, like a lullaby machine -- pull it's string and it'd start spinning with a soft sound. that the only thing where i find refugee other than daddy's arm and mom's caress. i'd sit by the window and wait for daddy. "if a bed is attached to a wall is called a bunk, what do we call a sofa attached to a window?" a word that i keep on asking daddy and i never do remember. all i remember i sat there everyday, half past 4 to wait for daddy.

it's been 20 days since they are away, and i miss them so much. the 15 minutes i let myself cry in the bathroom feels more like i'm suffocating myself for i've kept it so long. i cry so loud in my heart, only i hear, hidden away from my sis -- afraid that she might have been keeping it to herself and not wanting to let it out.

it's been too long since they left, and too long before they'll be back. berserah segala supaya semua berada di bawah lindungan-Nya.