Maal Hijrah 1430

Maal Hijrah, sudah brapa kali di sambut, tapi belum juga Hijrah di buat
Raya Korban, sudah brapa kali di sambut, tapi belum ada juga pengorbanan
Raya Fitri, sudah brapa kali di sambut, tapi belum juga balik pada Fitrah Allah
kesal nda da henti
kami sedar kami masih di takat yang sama

Itu lah takdir namanya MANUSIA, dengan tabiat MANUSIAWI, yang selalu pentingkan diri. selamatkan lah diri ku dari trend sekarang yang ramai "orang" amalkan...namanya TREND SONGSANG di mana semakin lama gaya semakin berundur. Masya-Allah. di duga Allah, sudah jadi begini. MANUSIAWI + DUNIAWI = trend songsang. nasib baik yang namanya kawan tu semuanya selamat. siapa masuk kategori kawan tu, is another different topic.

kesian dgr crita Lybby (a hush2 story). but betul bah cakap dia, yang penting Tuhan tau hatinya n hati saya... yang kami dua org steady ja, di langgar badai ibarat zaman Nabi Nuh pun rasanya kami akan survive berpelukan when ppl found us. it's great to have old friends around. they always have ur back (the type that doesn't make u wait 20 minutes outside kan Ren). me n lybby...it's been more than 16 years being her friend.

apa?
samar-samar saya dgr org cakap di blakang tu
apa?
6 bln?
5 bln?
4 bln?
1 bln?
tanding la tanding
ikhlas di ukur panjang kayu 16tahun
lidah pun bisa putus tergigit salah bicara
tapi nasib masih ada

as easy as ppl erase something,
as easy as that i need that strenght
because money never amuse me
because i'm not counting the time i gave
it's just a matter of being a good person
how do u sleep at night?

BIRU

hari ini dlm sejarah. sejak aku jadi vampire gigit2 org (BAC, nina, ruddy, TB) baru hari ini aku pernah kena gigit!!!!

HARYANIE HARUN
merupakan pemenangnya

penjahat, penjahat, penjahat, penjahat.
NINA YG AJAR

Lemas

Hari ini pergerakkan semuanya lemas. called c bestie, ASTAGAH bulih2 i forgot dia sudah fly. hmmm...soon i also fly pegi malacca. lyk ren, saya (sejak ada org cakap "aku" tu perkataan kasar skit, i use "saya" la k...i'll try) pun bgegas juga finish my work before my so-called-holiday. i need cash! so i have to finish one baju before i leave so nda la juga kempunan kan di bumi malacca.

sungguh lemas tiada routine bcalling2 sama budak RHB tu. lagi lemas bila saya punya kaka Nina ne lemas2 after what she went through. i told her, hak dia untuk lemas n untuk bersedih (asal jgn lama) sebab dengan adanya sedih, kita akan lebih sedar dgn hebatnya pemberian Allah bernama b-a-h-a-g-i-a itu. next tym happiness dtg, sila lah make the best out of it. i learnd that kita nda boleh berharap berlebihan pada benda yang kita tau akan menyakitkan kita di blakang hari sebab kita terlalu cling to it.

si yanee mimpi menunggang kuda bersama para Nabi. Masya-Allah. sungguh indah mimpinya tu. sungguh hati ini cemburu dia di beri mimpi sebegitu Masya-Allah.

Tini pula sudah habis DIPLOMA. congrats my dear sis, my dear org kanan, teratas di hati saya (shhhh jgn gitau org lain). BAC semua sudah sah keluaran politeknik. satu2 ada kena cop POLY di dahi hehehe

Bestie tanya, saya ok ka? hanya seorang bestie akan tau letak nya hati bestienya kan. saya bingung atas apa yang akan berlaku. harap2 saya boleh tempuhi. hari esok....hmmm...one day at a time la kan?

ntah lah. ari ne saya lemas betul. saya punya buchuk buchuk ilang. saya rasa mummy tervakum tadi siang. nina bilang kena makan rabbitttttttttttttttttttt. jahat :(

jumpa key ari ne, sama nani, didi, wawa. the old always brings happiness to my heart...

Syukran Ya-Khaliq, kerana mencipta kan kawan2 yang baik untuk mendamping hidup ku ini.

p/s: hari ne blog saya mcm diary. AMIE...PSP SAYA!!!! saya rindu sama c red psp :(

f.r.e.e.d.o.m

i'm at the end, where everything seems ok.
at last, i found my closure.
i found the way out i've been screaming a silent scream for so long.
i'm here...
i've arrived...
and i'm doing good...
why didn't i strive for this harder when it feels this GOOD?
that said,
whatever i left behind would always be in a box on top of my closet
and whatever i left behind would always remain a good memory, a very fond one...
that have taught me a lot on being a better person...
and a better worshiper and server of my God...
alhamdulillah.
saya sudah sampai.

today's buzzzzzzz

hari ini sungguh selesa sekali dgn panggilan Tomei yang sudah turun RM4. nda banyak beza la, tapi parah juga tu kalau ikut harga asal.

sungguh berasa di awangan bila mula sarung apa yang di minat. lagi berasa di awangan bila mula menunding ke sana ke mari untuk buat aksi. kring kring kring, dia berbunyi.

tapi yang nda seronok tu bila dia print bil, terus rasa macam mau jalan terus.

lagi nda seronok bila keluarkan duit dari dinding ajaib tu, dia bilang kad tidak aktif. yes. seronok skali. nasib ada satu kad lagi (nasib ada isi) yang memboleh kan saya balik with my LOVE ONE.

betul2 saya benci tomei. i hate tomei. benci benci benci. buat saya nda keruan.
tapi syukur la, akhir nya turun juga harga kan, senang la hati skit. kesian my customer yang try baju kemarin, hilang gelangnya...tapi dia pun nda sure di mana hilang. jokingly is say "nda pa kak, harga sudah turun, panggilannya la tu".

dengan seronok hati dia cakap di habib jewel harga lagi rendah....-RM5 dari harga pasaran.

terus i go like >>> WTF????

nda pa la.

bravo untuk Rena yang berjaya menahan RM50 untuk one week. well i should try that. tapi aku pula kerja 6 hari. hah? terpaksa buat calculation balik bah. i think i should give that a try. i think i should carry RM10 ja untuk satu hari. cuba try RM7.50, confirm balik nda sempat lagi salam parents terus diving di meja makan. lapar.

ASTAGA. Lame nya aku.

p/s: hari ne hari yang sungguh tidak produktif. all day long main game Dead Head Fred ja. sampai habis batt PSP ne. halalahhh

my 23rd birthday

yep.

i delayed writting this. because aku kurang selesa with the fact that i grew yet a year older. but aku terima saja. 23 terasa berat tanggungjawabnya. 23 rasa byk masa sudah berlalu kosong. 23 rasa masih berkejaran untuk impian yang belum tentu. 23 rasa sepertinya.............'hebat' untuk satu saat paktoh yang baru.

this year i think is the best birthday ever! although menyambut sendirian, but i have lots of loving and caring friends yang stood by me and making me feel so special. yang paling awal to give me a present is Nina and wawingnya Hirfy. Then c babe...endu, sanggup dia antar kan cake Secret Recipe for me walaupun dia jauh. terharuuuuuu sgt me bah :( and nda lupa juga present from rena yang sudah 2-3 hari made me lalai terhadap kerja di kedai. asyik muka di tengah buku! my sis pun getting me one soon, sebab dia belum dpt cari the book that i told her i wanted so badly. from my parents? the biggest gift i can ever have, biayaan hidup selama 23 tahun.

i'm so thankful for friends yang call me, text me, left msgs on my facebook and friendster. i'm so happy that Lybby and Nani dari jauh2 pun spent nearly an hour on the phone with me while waiting for the clock to strike 12. they even sang happy birthday :'(

best birthday EVER

mudah2an next time Allah bantu me untuk ingat my friends punya birthday. i keep on forgetting their birthdays.

I LOVE MY BAC because they all remembered awwww love u all my sistazzzzzzz!
my birthday always sucks, dari dulu lagi..because my birthday tu jatuhnya time cuti sekolah..so i never had my 'school birthday party' and my friends pun never wished me (time kici2 la..)

23. twenty three. it's just numbers. happy me!

aku sakit gigi

pagi-pagi lagi aku bangun penuh keluh kesah. bukan dgn syukur, atau salawat ke atas Nabi Junjungan. tapi dengan penuh hiba....'GIGI AKU SAKITTTTTTT'.

sejak kemarin lagi rasanya mulai lain rasa (berbelit bahasa org sakit gigi ne tau). nina yang sakit gigi sempat lagi ku doa kan syafakallah syifaan ajilan, syifaan la yughadiru ba'dahu saqaman (saja tunjunk starring sb baru di hafal dari buku). akhirnya aku harap org yang bacakan aku Syafakallah. bengkak nya gusi bukan main. sah aku terjangkit dari nina melalui sms hahahahaha (lawak xbrapa bijak).

sepanjang hari duduk lesu, tiada mood. gigit nasi pun kurang nikmatnya. tapi kenyang tetap kenyang! tgk di cermin, cek gigi. terus rasa lagi lagi tiada mood! Gigi depan ne parah betul sudah buruknya....sudah 7 bulan i keep on pushing myself to go to the dentist to fill it. but everytime mau pegi pun in my heart i'd say 'ah malas lah, karang di ceknya gigi ne, bukan satu tapi 4 yg mau di tambal! malas mau dgr doktor Arab tu berceramah'. bukan apa, nda juga boleh tambal 4 one go kan. aku pun bukan selalu boleh dpt cuti (kalau cuti pun mau pegi bfoya, bukan mo meradu sakit!). if buat 4 dalam satu hari, kering la aku bulan tu membayar tambal gigi. percuma-cuma lah dpt gigi yang usai n dpt mengunyah, tapi apa lagi mau di kunyah kalau dlm mulut saja harganya sudah 2-3ratus...

Planning 200entah (that's vocalize as dua ribu entah, as in i dunno in what year will i fully achieve semuanya)
1. kumpul duit untuk tambal gigi
2. tambal gigi rabbit yang menjadi aset utama dalam mengurat (it works i tell u!)
3. kerja lebih kuat.
4. kerja lebih kuat.
5. kerja lebih kuat.
6. jgn berbelanja on unnecessary stuff like baju, bag, knick knacks.
7. my trip pg tomei hari tu adalah trip TERAKHIR sehingga lah aku balik umrah.
8. kumpul duit lagi untuk persiapan umrah (baju kurung, ihram, belanja)
9. TIDAK BOLEH SELALU MAKAN SEDAP2 sebab itu mahal & membazir. membazir itu saubat syaitan.
10. berjimat on phone bill
11. pastikan tiap2 bulan bajet cukup untuk bayar ASB

daripada nombor 1 sampai 11 (aku yakin ada penambahan), it seems like mengecil lah ruang sosial ku jadinya bila semua yang di buat di kengkang kewangan. friends, aku tarik diri sebagai big spender. silakan penuhkan ruang kosong ku. makasi.

MasyaAllah. patutnya kita selalu bersyukur dan jgn terlalu berkira. Mudah2an di buka pintu rezeki dan rezeki yang ada skrang pula sentiasa berkah...insyaAllah makbul menjelang Maal Hijrah.

gigi ku sakit! bila lah dia mo berenti tumbuh ne, besar betul my wisdom ne sampai 1 tahun lebih masih belum stop meng'wisdom' kan diri. gusi ku kimut-kimut. aduiii...

money....does make the world go round....

harap kawan-kawan ku mau di bawa makan roti kosong lepas ne. Tuhan bantu aku, amin.

lesson learned

sometimes kita kena belajar cara yang 'jatuh bangunan' punya feeling untuk suatu hal tertentu. i guess, today aku belajar cara 'jatuh bangunan' on important things in life.

saat-saat begini (bila hari makin tua, nda dpt undur balik) rasanya bukanlah masa untuk berdalih dan berburuk sangka dgn ar-Ghafur, ar-Rahman, ar-Rahim. we should always be thankful that we have beautiful friends with big hearts, family that will always have our back, and rezeki yang diberi Sang Pencipta (gifts of Tomei hahaha). friends, my advice, sebelum berburuk sangka dgn Allah baik double check dulu diri tu patut terima sudah atau belum.

byk lagi manusia lain yang hidup nda ketentuan than this. apa pun pendirian yang aku pegang, if itu yang buat org takut or bikin skop pilihan mengecil (betul tu Ren), i don't care. yang penting pendirian tu yang buat kita ne KITA. if we keep on bergoyang ikut arah angin, org pun nda mo ikut kita. myb dunia aku belum kuat untuk pengaruh dunia org, insyaAllah, sampai masanya tetap semua akan berubah. apa pun batas yang ada, i'm glad that i have my own batas and berpegang kuat dengannya.

lesson learned!

aku hilang tanpa arah...
rindu hati pada sinar Mu...
wahai Tuhan aku lemah
hina berlumur noda
hapuskan lah, terangi lah,
jiwa dan jalan ku...
Ya Rabbi,
izin kan lah aku kembali pada Mu
meski mungkin takkan sempurna
aku sebagai hamba Mu
Berikanlah aku kesempatan Waktu,
aku ingin kembali
kembali.......... (opick-taubat)

p/s: siuk hari ne aku nangis ada org ikut nangis juga. eh silap, dia dulu nangis tgk aku kusut. tu baru namanya kaka. leng, kiutkan penyanyi opick tu. macam kiut si azmi hahahaha (aku sucks, aku tau)

SAYA BENCI TOMEI! satu kali masuk terus nda keruan. cis!

Ego?

on our way home from work today...

bro : Kalau mahkota perempuan letaknya di....?

me : rambut

bro : Kalau lelaki mahkotanya di....?

(sepantas kilat)
me : EGO!

bro : Krita la, pandai!

awwww....c bro, mau p 'pancing' ciwik bisuk...he said dari dulu zaman dia bawa motor pun dia always make sure motor kilat habisssss bila mau jumpa ciwik. 'padahal, tu motor cuma nampak tym dia mau naik ja, then sudah naik nda sudah nampak. sampai p parking lot, motor tu di tinggalkan juga! tapi betul bos...betul2 la pride and joy lelaki la kalau namanya KENDERAAN milik sendiri'

talking bout people starts dating....



....someone had their first date today!! nina and hirfy sitting by the tree! (sure lepas nina baca ne kena txt la aku...hii leng...laleng, tu ku simpan gambar katak ada crown lagi)

biani...

biani, ada dangan ngajaa aku..inda juwa tantu lah niat nya tu kan ngajaa..tapi yang panting, apa yang di padahnya aah ku ato, ku masukkan jadi pengajaan yang baik...

aku ne yang bana, kaas juwa usul mun kes2 gaya ani. tpi yang ani tah, antah pengajaannya atau pengajaa nya yang ada efek basaa sampai dpt masuk alam hati ani...

caita nya miani, biani aie ku kan putus asa sudah, aie ku inda kan melawan akan sudah, aie ku keasaan payah hantap, aie ato lah uwang ato bpadah 'lai, jaan tah cemani. alum tah tuun kepadang, bpatah tah kau kan mulih. alum lagi ko telihat lawan mu, sudah ko b'uja yang ko inda bulih. alum pun dangan tahu apa yang kita lawan akan ne, sudah ko b'unduu. lai, inda majal inda luih, luan di pajal mbaie jaih. saiepun bguna kan apa2, patut juwa di kada-kadaie. sebab kita ani wajib ingat juwa kan ketetapan Allah, Qada dan Qadar-Nya'

i'll always take that in my heart, and i'll never forget who told me that, although the battle is over, but i know that i did try. there's nothing that i'll regret, because we both tried. and it's true. semuanya ketetapan Allah, Qada dan Qadar-Nya.

at the tailor

hari ne me pegi hantar my jeans yang panjang tu ke ahsok di bawah minta potong. menyesal juga nda minta tolong di giordano potong terus kan. ini nda pasal2 melayang lagi RM 5. hmmm kalau di simpan kan bagus duit tu. lately saya semakin stingy. terima sajalah ya gaya ini saudara saudari, sebab ini adalah semua demi ASB yang sudah di apply. dlm 5 tahun nanti melatup la bank account. skrang ne ikat perut pun nda pa la.

then the ahsok cakap, 'amoi, lu tulis nama sini plastik, nanti senang mau ambil. saya cepat lupa punya, tau la sudah tua kan'. ingat ah, cara cakap the word tua is like this...TWA, ok? very chinese like style.

when she hand me the marker pen, secara automatik nya i open the cap and write on the plastic this aplhabets..... >>> S.Y.L.V.I.A.N.A

hahahahahahah sot kan? tapi nda pa, bukan juga dia cek i/c :P

different tag line every time, perhaps...?

i once told an ex, that anyone can change in a nick of time. i still strongly believe in that. tho is some circumstances, when other people change in a nick of time, it didn't feel as great as me telling people this theory (so that i can get away with 'changing').

and then there was the ever-famous mistake, which is berjodoh dgn tiga. the smartest stunt ever pulled. the longest battle ever fought. the feeling that would never change.

then there was this one time, i was watching the L-word, and Jenny asked Bette what would she do if she (Bette) saw herself at a bar, would she hit on herself, and date herself? being heart broken and all, Bette drunkenly answered "If i saw myself at a bar....i would RUN at the opposite direction..."

well, somehow i'm feeling that now.as much as it's a thing that i must do, a thing that needs to be done, i can't stop picturing myself as a horrible monster. i see myself as the guy that i NEVER wanted to date when i was in highschool. macam capi2, kejap2 tau apa di mau, kejap2 nda tau. let me get that straight. I was like the guys that i NEVER wanted to date EVER.

tapi kan ini soal hati?

all is fair in love and war. i guess itu tag line baru. i can't stay to please anybody, ok?
and it's not like since i'm going means i'm pleasing myself. the key word was FAIR ok? ALL is fair. whatever it is that made u sleepless all night long,should make me sleepless at least 2times more than u.

then, paling finishing punya tag line "SORRY,SHIT HAPPENS"

ouch, now u know why i should run the opposite direction when i see myself. tapi apa yang penting hidup itu inti nya ialah mencari Redha daripada Allah.

Kesedihan itu adalah suatu benda yang pasti dtg, tapi keharusan untuk kita bersedih itu tletak di tangan sendiri. Syukur Alhamdulillah, walaupun sedih in whatever i'm facing daily, i know that kesedihan itu hanya berbuah sebab saya mbuat apa pun menggunakan batasan Agama, dan kesenangan org itu berbuah dari jahil nya diri mereka. that's enough to make me feel 'enough'.

nda apa la yang ini tlepas, permintaannya luar batas agama dan kepercayaan. pasti benda ne dtg balik2 (this type of problem) kalau belum lagi ikhlas untuk terima ajaran dari Allah.

tag line skrang?

siapa paling single di kk ne kalau bukan.............

we would always have your back...

that's what friends are for...
cian my gumuk noniey...
babe, i'd always love u babe, no matter what...
u'd always be my number one sista! (shhhh jan gitau tini, dia tu number one orang kanan!)
thru all the things, none can be changed,
i wish i can, but this is a lesson God wanted you to face...
we'd always be here babe :)

on a lighter note,
BACATTTTTTTTTTTTT sangat today!!!
i went home and nampak ada kencing tikus!!
cisssss sebel!!!
sudah lah bkencing, dekat tmpt solat lagi tu!!
habis me p mop lantai dgn clorox...
jgn kasi can!
si nina kasi ketawa ne, geli hati dia ngkali my room mcm jungle life :(
ni malam,
tikus...ko akan feast on hotdog yang mentah..
hotdog mentah yang ku pasang dlm jerat!
selama ini aku jiwa2 lagi mau bunuh tikus,
but tomorrow, if caught,
i'd make sure i'm the one yang rendam ko dlm air (bercampur clorox)
wahahahahahahaha
penjahat, pembawaan game silent hill kali ne ah?

malam ne siuk la me tidur...
the 'one' i wanted to add in fs sudah on the way...
kalau bisuk2 sudah approve...
awassssssss
bak kata tini 'lancar kan gatal!'
kalau di garuk sedap macam pizza hahahahaha
jodoh aku tu, jgn kamu kacau!

2009 konon mo paktoh. tinguk2 bisuk sudah bsunde.
ngam la.
jiwa betul.

sepa paling single di sabah ne kalau bukan..............

TODAY I BUY GAME SILENT HILL.

begitu sajalah jalan cerita hidup saya hari ne.
i'm gonna switch off the light now, and play the game. walaupun la game yang kena release for PSP on Nov last year. yang penting main.
bila sudah geram, hentak ja kepala zombie tu kuat-kuat kan?
boleh lah imagine them as R or AD.
i'd be gentle-r with R. sama AD, kenapa la pecah!
main ko ngak!
hari ne jalan, lewat sampai rumah. nda sempat tgk 90210 yang baru...
makan di Hana, bilang nda lapar, tapi me juga yang ranking ambil sushi balik2 tu.
smart.
jumpa noniey tadi...
baby ku, u gumuk!!! heheheeh
ondo cayang cayang wawing ku :D

life, being single

it was SCARY at first, for the thoughts of being single made me huru-hara inside. how would it feel to be single? hmmmm....bila fikir lama-lama, i was never really single (since i started dating lah). i was out courting one and the next one when i'm done. i guess, i'm the type who can't stand being alone maybe?

ok, so that sounded bad. perhaps i was the flirty type.

.... *cricket sound* oh well, there is no sane way for me untuk membela diri. i date people ok, i happen to be the lucky one who's always courting, right.

sekali i went single dis time....adehhhhhhhhhhhhh...let me share with you ah how it felt.

1. now, i'm always the 3rd wheel when i'm out with my friends yang nda single.
2. then even the single friends pun ada love interest. jiey? kosong.
3. ..... *cricket sound* susah bah me mau describe dis babe, tapi it just sucks big time!

suddenly, si jiey, so hyperactive ne. hari-hari pun
work, work, work
sale, sale, sale
pastu if sudah dpt byk hasil kerja yang keras
buy, buy, buy (ya betul Ren, saya jenis tidak sayang duit, but wait until ko kenal nina. pengsan ko tgk dia spend)
pastu kalau sudah sedih
pray, pray, pray harder
kalau sudah hati gusar,
semua benda mau di kemas, mau di bersihkan.

mom : sejak bila pandai bersih ne bilik? ur bathroom pun u scrub every other day?
me : mom, itu dulu. xpandai bkemas. messy sepah segala tu bukan cara hidup Islamic mom, semak serabut ayang tinguk

padahal... roll eyes 2x big time!

nina bilang, eleeeeeehhh bersih2 tu practice hidup cari laki.
so wrong. my paktoh year is 2009.

for now, i'm gonna be single.
lonely...but not alone!
i have Allah with me.......hasbunallah wanikmal wakil
BAC pun karas bah di blakang support selalu...
oh, i'm so loved!

SAYA TIDAK CUKUP TIDUR awwww i miss my B

owhhh hidup que

Puasa. Tidak pernah dalam sejarah hidup ku, kalau time puasa aku mengurus! I’ve never weighted in, and found that because of berpuasa sebulan, i’ve dropped a kilo ka, jgn kan la mau cakap 2-3 kilo like my sis. Heran. Dari umur me 6 tahun puasa penuh (kerana dijanjikan habuan berbentuk uwang) nda pernah la hi know that my weight menurun.

Bikin stress eh when i hear my customers say yang dorang beli baju a size smaller kunu because nanti time raya turun sudah berat badan. Ya laitu. Me sija lah yang di sabah ne yang nda pernah mau turun berat badan. Cilaka!

Yesterday i had a customer yang membawa anak nya umur 9 tahun beli baju org dewasa saiz M. Kesian budak tu, mum dia balik2 komen badan dia depan kami, total strangers for her. I know how she feels, mcm kena pick on pula. Terus dgn baik hati untuk menimba pahala, me pangku la budak tu (ya, kira berat juga la) and told her that i was just like her when i was 9, even bigger! I told her, ko bukan gumuk bah, besar....trus my bro cakap when they left, “ko kasi sedap hati dia ka kasi sedap hati sendiri?” cissssssss kurang pahala puasa mu bro! Karang ku sumpah ko jadi Motorola yang slalu abis bateri baru ko nda tau!

B sent me a txt “kalau berwuduk tu jangan mau curi2 minum air wuduk tu. I know u. U kan sot2 bie. Budak nakal memang begitu, awas, Tuhan nampak tu”.
Ya laitu B, ngam la!

I dunno why, puasa tahun ne xbrapa meriah? Perhaps because i just got a call from my tailor, she said my kain salah putung. Ada lagi satu mo di sumpah jadi Motorola ne...adedehhh...nda pa la pakai ken langsir ja la tym raya uhuuuuuuuu

kesabaran...

when will i get there?
when will i finally be there...?
kesabaran itu nampaknya sungguh jauhhh sekali untuk diri ku yang selalu gopoh (sifat syaitan).
berkongsi, memang bukan kepandaian ku, apa tah lagi keikhlasan ku dlm hal tu...
tapi dalam dunia ne bukan ada Jehan seorang,
dan bukan Jehan seorang saja yang mesti dititik beratkan...
dat's why me tertanya2 sangat, bila lah boleh mulai sabar?
dalam semua hal, tiada kesabaran...
sabar berdiam diri bukan kesabaran sepenuhnya...
sabar yang ikhlas barulah bernilai...
bila lah baru sampai ne?
jauh sekali sifat lemah lembut,jauh sekali sifat pemaaf, jauh sekali kematangan
pandu lah aku ya Ghafur...
i'm so lost without Your Guidance...

Ramadhan al-Mubarak

Assalamualaikum muslimin & muslimat...

Selamat menyambut bulan Ramadhan al-Mubarak,
moga Ramadhan tahun ini lebih membawa kesedaran,
membawa rasa rendah diri,
memberikan kesabaran,
meningkatkan ketaqwaan.
Marilah bersama berlumba meraih berkat dari amalan yang ikhlas kita lakukan demi Allah ar-Rahman, ar-Rahim, al-Latif, al-Baqi...demi Allah yang Maha Esa...

dan selamat menyambut ulangtahun ke 51 Malaysia...
dengan persoalan nombor satu di hati :
MERDEKA KAH KITA SEBENARNYA?

alhamdulillah kita Merdeka...

tempahan manik

Dear family & friends,

ini tahun, i'm taking up very limited number of tempahan manik for hari raya, because i'm so kejaraan tahun lalu nda sempat mau do my own baju kurung. i'm taking on 10 from regular customers, 7 dari walk in customers and i promised myself i won't take more than 20...tapi i bagi ruang lagi untuk 5 pasang for blogger friends...mail me if mau booking ya! gueneviere85@yahoo.com.my

pastikan raya ini, kita GLAMAZON gitueeeeeee hehehe...

xOxO,
Jiey

i ever dated...

today, i tolong c babe ambil laptop nya...
when i opened the laptop bag, enduuu....ada bau perfume dia...
rindu pula sama c babe bah :(
my time sama c babe are times of my life that i won't ever have again...
for a moment there, terdiam n sedih juga..
& ppl say i was numb and heartless with the situation?
i rip ur heart baru tau, brani2 kamu rang!

crita pasal c babe, i bersedih hati n duduk dkt tingkap n tgk org macam semut berjalan2 di bawah karamunsing...
cisssss lazo diamond sudah tiada!
i swear dis one guy kerja sana look like adlin aman ramli...
i guess kalau di sambut my drooling time tu memang basah juga lantai di karamunsing hehe...
but yang betul2...
i bersedih dan memandang luar,
mengingat kembali masa bersama (haha!)
and at the same moment teringat juga my time2 sama ex2 yang lain...
funny ah?
sudah broke up pun when i think of the good times mst smile lebar2 juga
then terfikir how many ppl i've ever dated and/or have flings with...
and if i list it down, it seems so ridiculous how i can fall so easily...
REALLY EASILY
wanna give it a try?
no names of course, untuk menjaga kepentingan semua
(and supaya if somebody-- R terstumble sini nda la juga dia marah hehe)

i dated and/or have flings with --
2 Dusun
1 Chinese
2 Sino Kadazan
1 Brunei
1 Visaya
2 Bajau
1 Bugis
1 Kadazan
1 Lundayeh

nah! ambik kau!
yang serious relationship antara semua2 di atas itu cuma lah 3...
jgn lah kamurang pikir i ne ke sana ke mari yeaah...
yang lain cuma fling aja...hehehe

INI BARULAH NAMANYA SEORANG ANAK JATI MALAYSIA,
MASYARAKAT MAJMUK GITUEEEEE...
i almost dated every suku kaum yang ada di Sabah ne...
nearly lah...
tapi dgn kedudukan relationship saya sekrang,
tak payah date yang lain pun tak peeeeeeeee
hehehehehe

SORRY, I REALLY DID MISPLACED MY BRAIN SOMEWHERE.

p/s: yang belum is Kadayan, Sungei, Tidung, Bolongan, Tator, Murut, Cocos, India etc etc etc...(bilang nda payah kunun tapi kasih list down juga hehe)

aku tersepit!

mana satu kekaseh hati ku?
aku bingung memilih...
yang itu, atau yang ini?
atau harus kah ku madukan saja keduanya, selayaknya hidup ku?
owhhh theeedak! ('oh tidak' dalam gaya dramatik ala2 wayang 60an di mana kekasEh nya meninggalkan dirinya)
harus ku nilai servis, tapi bukan itu adat hidup ku!
selagi bukan milik ku, tak sanggup ku menjamah walau sekadar membelek anggota...

holga baru. holga memang idaman hati ku. holga baru ini 35mm. holga ini chantek. holga ini baek punya! tapi sungguh huduh rupa fizikal nya. betul2 macam kamera mainan atau kamera yang org akan senentiasa salah anggap sebagai 'lapuk' padahal dia adalah lomo. lomo tak lapuk. lomo cool.

owh theeedak.
aku sungguh bingung...
mungkin hasil 'servis' nya dpt ku ukur dan ku timbang?

ghairah aku dibuatnya.

ini. ini lagi masalah satu. ini pun chantek. ini nama oktomat. dia pandai potong gambar jadi 8 macam potong kuih pun ada juga. lybby sudah ada ne, tapi xpernah tgk result dia. ini buat aku bingung. ini buat aku menilai gerhana yang menimpa diri. aku suka action, jadi aku suka la ambil gambar in action. gambar potong 8 pada detik yang bbeza ne memang dpt capture action yang berlaku.

kalau nampak begini, ghairah nda? aku ghairah. aku tersepit.


KALAU SEBEGINI, WALAU APA PUN KEPUTUSAN KU, SAVINGS KU TETAP TERGADAI. BERGADAI UWANG DEMI NAFSU. APALAH AKU KALAU BUKAN INSAN BIASA, PEDAGANG YANG HINA.

Ya Allah, kuat kan Iman ku. pada malam yang larut ini, aku mabuk chenta! bahasa pun sungguh sastera, akibat lah menonton Romeo & Juliet (my fav movie!!). sebelum aku merepek lebih lanjut, better i go to sleep. bsuk mau ambil tini lagi. dia sungguh tidak kisah kalau aku dayus. bagus la tu tini! :)

update!

S.I.B.U.K

that's what happened for the past month.
gue SESAK!!!! tanpa life!
gue SESAK!!!! tanpa masa untuk diri sendiri!
gue SESAK!!!! dgn komitmen dan perikatan diri terhadap tanggungjawab yang tidak dpt di bahagi2.
so much for divide and conquer! most of the time i feel that i'm stranded, burdened to tackle everything by myself.

hidup, hidup saya, sungguh sesak dengan rutin harian yang berulang mengejar masa yang nda pernah menunggu kita ready ka nda ready.

talking about timing, Alhamdullillah merasa lagi kita nikmat masuk ke bulan Sya'ban, bulan Nabi Junjungan kita. i'm so thankful this year penghayatan ada meningkat skit, maklum lah, takut 'bankrupt' di akhirat nanti. tolak mengumpat, tolak ujub, tolak akhlak yang xdijaga...tau-tau di akhirat kena declare bankrupt, baru tak tau!

jadi kalau sudah Sya'ban tu nda lama lagi Ramadhan la maksudnya kan? i'm so not ready! my project belum siap simpan manik! i think baru 6/40!! 34 lagi bila mau buat?? kudung la tangan! campur lagi dgn tempahan org yang masuk...this year i'd tolak mana2 yang lambat...takut nanti tym raya i jadi botak sebab terlampau stress & xcukup tido! alamatnya tahun ne baju sendiri lagi-lagi tiada manik...adedehhh! stock mau di masukkan, means i'd be sleeping at along's apartment sebab buat stock tagging...dgn system baru yang sudah di rectify and execute, i'd be switching between branches untuk tutup account everyday. daddy, gaji tambah lagi skit boleh ka?

i'm so old,
so lonely,
so tired,
so LAME

selamat mengerjakan ibadah pada bulan Sya'ban...bersama-sama kita dgn tamaknya mengumpul amal wahahahahahaha (ketawa kejahatan) <<< nah ini labaini sebab2 kena tolak markah sampai jadi bankrupt ne...astaghfirullah al-azimmmmm

RINDU BAC!

sakurairo maukoro

this is the best love song ever...
my bro pointed out, that in the end it's all only 'hopes' that are left...
not getting what we want, we would imagine things so vividly...first we'd see a face, then we would smell something, then we would hear the voice...and step our foot in a house we have imagined for years and years...only to be reminded that we are not allowed to have such feelings...

this is a great song from Mika Nakashima, lemah gemalai gitueeee...

should have known

sometimes, pikir panjang-panjang lagi teruk. sometimes,rancang lama-lama lagi la tersasar jauh dari yang di impi. i should have known. somethings are best left in the hand of the Almighty Creator.

just for a little while...

just for a little while, i had her with me...after a long time being apart, missing her so badly, i had her with me for a very short while....but it's all i need, having to see her bright smile and warm laugh made my whole day...

this is true friendship, more like sisterhood, that will last a lifetime...
love u always&always lybby...have a safe journey back to Perth (with Hobart in your heart)...
i'm always a call away babe...

2:155

"Dan sesungguhnya akan Kami berikan cubaan kepadamu, dengan sedikit ketakutan, kelaparan,kekurangan harta, jiwa dan buah-buahan. Dan berikan berita gembira kepada orang-orang yang sabar"

di saat gentir, i found this beautiful words in Koran, the strength that i need...

my second round

this week i have obtained another jurus, which is jurus menangkis kunyanyang (leter2an) from my mom yang asyikkkkk making sure i've finished menjahit manik or not. jurus menangkis kunyanyang ne walaupun kurang berkesan, namun ada juwa dlm 20% yang berkesan.

the reason why i'm not sewing is because i'm occupied reading 'My Name is Red' (which i already read last year) yang baru saja ku jumpa ampai2 di laci.layannnn second round! sometimes, i think, i'm reading a story of my own life..it's a great story set in the 1590s where fame & immortality is all they dream for. love on the other hand, as subtle as it seems, is flourishing in every possibly way. tau ja la kan org dulu2 manada main text ka, call ka, date ka...semuanya main tapuk2 kalau dulu2, tapi once sudah melepassssss...awassssss...a mere glimpse of a maiden ankle can already stir a man's heart! kalau lelaki zaman 1590s tu di bawa ke zaman Y2K i think berbuih mulut dorang tengok perempuan skrang ne hahaha

yang belum pernah baca this book My Name is Red by Orhan Pamuk (a noble prize winner in literature 2006), i highly suggest that u do! specially if u are the type of reader yg suka imagine things, something not so straight forward, then this is a story for u! bahasa yang dalam n sgt cantik.

my favourite part was when Black (Black Effendi) was at his Enishte Effendi's house and he's listening to every word his Enishte is saying, but his heart is walking all around the house in search of his lover; Shekure, and imagining that he was able to see her. he said he was better to understand Ibn Arabi's notion that love is the ability to make the invisible visible and the desire always to feel the invisible in one's midst.

i know, that all screamed NERD. whatever! i'm enjoying this hehehehehe ulat buku mariiiii

today

we're soooooo back to square one babe!

second take should be better :)

SKODENGGGGGGGGG

simultaneously

for tonight, i'm betting that every car owner in Malaysia is thinking simultaneously of one thing and one thing only :-

"HARGA MINYAK NAIK! NAIK BAS LA P KERJA MULAI BISUK"

seriously. increment yang 40% ini tidak dpt lagi dibendung. if i spend 250 on gas last month, i'm gonna spend 350 this month. oh...ok...kalau begini nda payah isi perut la, isi perut kreta cukup la? and on that note, harga beras pun naik! makan pasir la kalau begini....nda lama harga pasir pun naik.

this is so seriously painful sampai me n my brothers where thinking of car-pooling so that we can split the cost 3-ways. ya, there goes my life. lepas kerja have to go home direct with my bros sudah. no more dining with friends, movies, hanging out...adedehhhhhhh...

even R said to me that if harga gas spike up to 40%, he'd rather naik basikal pegi melobi projek. hurmmm babe, cemana u mau bawa batang besi tu ah? hehehe

terima sajalah walaupun pahit. tadi when on my way home, semua stesen minyak kenduri. ramai org berkunjung. heeee...

this is life!

apa saya buat, saya buat, saya buat.

the busier i get, the more i feel like SLACKING.
lagi banyak kerja mau buat, lagi i feel like leaving everything aside...main game la, turun jalan-jalan tgk barang, or pegi lunch yang lama2 and jauh2 heeeee....(thank God i can always pungut si Grace jalan)

actually tiada pressure kerja, cuma sendiri yang melambat2 kan kerja, so one after another kerja tu bertindih-tindih and menjadi lah masalah. sana juga mau buat stock-check & stock-tag, sana juga tempahan manik...and recently yang lagi memeningkan kepala ppl booking for wedding photo session...adedehh...terror pun tara...mau tolak pun susah, mau terima lagiiii berat...

talked to dad about an offer a make-up artist made me; join her so she can offer better service for bride&groom la...because her dad pun sudah jadi videog, so she need a photog....kiranya full service la dia ada.... but i'm still thinking2 (pikir-pikir) mau ka tida....len la kalau terror kan...but the make-up artist cakap teda masalah lah, sure handle-able (boleh di tangani). all that dad said was 'as long as it doesn't interfere with your work for me, you should go ahead, get experience!'....& i sambung in my heart 'get MONEY!' heheehehehe...

owhhh...sungguh boring 2-3 hari ne...byk kerja...but still i'm here uploading pictures in flickr, keluar tangkap gambar, main MadCaps (kesukaan), downloading Gossip Girl and watching it over & over again, blogging, texting, on the phone, msn....antah lah!! i wish my work can work itself heeeeeee....skrang pun i'm supposed to jahit manik, tapi masi lagi blogging and dloading themes from zedge.com (syok woooo gerenti!!)

where is my priority?

visitor

hi Gastrik, dah lama nda berkunjung. saya seronok betul kalau kita dtg melawat. saya memang suka tunggang2 di katil wrestling angin dalam perut. saya lagi suka kalau sudah makan tu, muntah lah pula. saya tak kisah lah gastrik kalau terpaksa berperap di bilik. len kali dtg jgn lupa bawa your best friend si Migrain tu, boleh lah kita wrestle perut dan hentak kepala!

****aw...it's good to be in love....hearts filled with thousand ships!

GOSH I'M SO RANDOM!

ya i promised to upload pictures of Kak Dayang kawin...nanti la i upload when my visitor si Gastrik ne beredar k... huuuu :'(

life? what life?

yes, sudah lama saya menghilang. so busy with work! this month n next month is wedding season, so i'm buried under a lot of kurung waiting in line to be beaded. after countless sleepless nights, i'm not a few hundreds richer than before :) bulan tua la katakan, dapat 90 for 1 kurung is enough for a week's gas (and maybe a pair of shoe?)

tadaaaaa! baju org RTM ne. ini ada juwa la dalam 3 hari bersengkang mata!
i better get some sleep...tomorrow driving to papar, my kakanda Dayang kawin!! wahahaha syukur Alhamdullilah akan berlangsung juga...(so when is my turn???)

ani ke umah dangan kan bausah ne ah, for 3 days! ndada kan ke sana mehaga kawin nganya! it's tym to put on that sweatpants and get down to wash some dishes! hehehe manatau ada makcik2 yang terpikat mau kawin kan aku pula ma anak nya? siapa tauuuuu hehehehe (sindrom kurang tidor...)

layannnnn...

kebahau2an

ani tah bah yang di dama kan 'multimedia-failed' ani. ndada juwa payah kan nukaa blogskin ani upanya, aku nganya yang inda tahu...payah2 juwa biani mhunjaa di website yang ndada2 tu, skali di tukaa html code nya hancuu bah usul blog taus. atu tah inda masaie ku tukaa. ani telaah sudah ku yang sanang di pakai, awu nukaa ku tu banaa. tapi ani tah, alum cukup 'campin' bah uja dangan, kakal jua bhilangan bah isi2 ku yang lain. ndada sudah pata2 dunia ku tu...sayang eh...kaang tah ku isii bbalik...kaang ani malas ku eh, inda t'ungkayah lagi... tapi apa pun, makasih lah sama dang amy, sb ia yang nulung. mun bukan ia yang nulung kakal jua blogskin ku bulatan biu2 atu...

awuu...ndada 'adban' (advance) aku ne...dangan siap customize skin lagi...aku?awu aluummm...


***blog alam bahasa kadayan ani supaya kuang2 jua yang mahaati apa yang ku tulis, jadi kuang2 jua yang tahu aku ne multimedia-failed. tapi sandi tu kadayan tu ah, abis pisuk2 dunia pun ada kadayan diam, atuuuu ya!berbangga jadi kadayan

it's just another day...

...i'd disappoint my future if i stay, then what am i supposed to do?

-Sade

KJ...

last night, i stayed up to watch Parlimen Hari Ini since i haven't got the chance to see any LIVE action on tele, so my only hope is to watch the summary at night and online videos at work.

there's a lot of hot issues, and everybody's trying their best to get their chance to speak. but my mind only can say this...'KHAIRY IS SO HOT'

...with the way he puts his left hand on his hips everytime he stands up, the way he projected his questions and point of information...even the way he say 'minta laluan' pun cukup h.o.t!

haha! excuse my random blab, my brain is on vacation i guess..that's why i don't have any educational-take on anything. and if u have to guess, yes...i'm watching his video over & over & over & over again...and again & again & again & again...

cured!

what happened : my GUESS obsession got cured

current status : broken and most definitely BROKE

another & another

you are always on my mind :'(

syukur Alhamdullillah... akhirnya berkunjung jua bulan Mei yang batah (lama) sudah di tunggu...

friends getting married on May,
some are starting to be familiar with their work routine,
some are making decision to stay or leave,
some are still adjusting,
some are getting ready for exam,
some are trying to be close,yet some already drifted apart,

but for a simple person like me,
i'm just glad that the new month is coming...
because i'd be a few hundred richer than today (which will last for few days only!)

we always want what we can't have...it's always subjected to money...

drinking habit

after few weeks of late night tossing and turning, forcing my eyes to be shut and sleep, i finally traced down why i can't sleep. i've been drinking a lot of coffee lately. habit maybe? i found out that everytime i'm tired at work, automatically i crave for more and more caffeine. and day by day i became more and more tired due to lack of sleep because the caffeine really did a good job in making sure my eyes is still fresh at 2.30 a.m.

so last night, though i wanted to have another cuppa coffee, i restrain myself, and decided to make a hot milo, added with a quarter teaspoon of coffee. really, not a heap of quarter teaspoon of coffee, just a tit bit at the end. i know i can't stop altogether, that's why i added a bit of coffee. jadi mocha la pula my drink last night.

and guess what, i was up till 3.00 a.m. that many hours spent awaken and staring at the ceiling made me think and think and think. eh, no wonder i'm still awake. cocoa pun ada jua caffeine. adehhhh...buang masa saja! bagus lagi minum ja nescafe tadi, sama jua pia nya! tekanan eh!

she hates me

i'm fairly positive that the Sanitary Officer (how do i put this politely?she's the one who collect our garbage at a scheduled time which is 2.30pm and 7.30pm) HATES me!

i've been working in CPS this last 3 days, and she purposely & swiftly pass me by when she actually needs to stop in front of the shop and memanggil secara merdu 'SAMPAH?'. she only came one time on monday, and pass me by the 5 other time she was supposed to collect the garbage. and i remember vividly that she calls out 'SAMPAH?' and rolling her eyes at the same time.

eh? i tot in KK only me, ren and tini pandai roll eyes?

it could be just me, but my sampah yang menggunung thinks i'm right too. and this is the way it's done...all tenant's garbage CANNOT be thrown di dalam tong sampah kecil2 yang di sediakan shopping mall at every nook and corner. the sanitary officer should be the one picking it on the scheduled time.

besuk aku simpan ja la sampah tu depan kedai baru dia tau wahahahaha

Sandakan Lingo 101

a lot of my friends; when i first moved in to kk, noticed that i have different lingo and almost different accent altogether. it was hard for me to fit in immediately because a lot of things that i say, i have to explained to them. so out of love for the town i grew up in, SANDAKAN, this is the first part of my Sandakan Lingo 101.

• Jo/Jon/George - kata ganti nama which is a gender bender, because everybody in sandakan, no matter male or female, is called a Jo/Jon/George. Jo is commonly use by the third generation (late 90s), Jon is also popular but rarely used, and George is usually used by the first generation (late 80s-90s). e.g of usage in a sentence -- 'Uinah, baju baru bah dia Jo!'
• bahai - no, it's not Bahai the religion. Bahai is what the immigrant children sells outside of the pasar sandakan for 20cents. it's a PLASTIC BAG. and yes, only in sandakan can u find children selling bahai, for what, i'm also not sure..all i'm sure is that semua peniaga pun ada bagi bahai for every purchase.
• sangga - it means 'tahan'. usually used in sentence which would carry the meaning 'tahan, jgn sampai jatuh'. e.g of usage in a sentence -- 'Jo, simpan tapau tu di bawah, sangga pakai kaki ah!' (see, when i say we use the word Jo a lot, i mean A LOT)
• protan - is actually a sharperner, and in proper Malay it is calles PERAUT pensil. it's pronounce protan, as thick as u can possibly pronounce it.
• gadibab - women's breast, usually used in a sentence to show just how big the breast is, in a negative, negative way (meaning mengutuk gadibab org yang kita nda suka)

maybe i should go for 5 at a time? it's hard to dig inside my brain for lingos at the moment. would post more as soon i clear the cobweb in my head. oh and for the record, Ramesh always tease me for using the word Jo because in KK they usually use the word Ging. it's very hard to shake that off from my tongue, i always go 'Uiiiinah jooooo!!' whenever suprised :)

sometimes

when i was younger, i enjoyed reading story books so much that i think i'm the 'weird' one in my family. i always have a book in my hand and i always bury my face in books any spare time that i have. none of my siblings portray the same quality like i did. most of my my time during the weekends are spent reading books at the library. nerdy, yes, i know.

the best thing about reading stories is we can imagine what the writer is trying to convey. i get to choose what the characters look like, how they move, how their voice sounded like, how the places they are at looks like, etc. i enjoy the most when i can feel what each character feels like. if they're happy and lying on grass, i too can feel the leap of joy and how the grass smells.

OVER IMAGINATIVE?

could be. mom always says that i'm the one who always engage everything with my own emotions. every movie that i watch, if it's a tear-jerker, i'd definitely cry as the movie plays. mom understood the most, and she always tell my brothers to stop teasing whenever i'm so into a movie. i guess i just have more imagination...

this song is attached with a lot of meaning; everytime i listen to it, i feel like i'm somewhere else...
when i hear this song...
i feel like i'm standing somewhere in kampong, from outside looking in on someone.
i feel like near the beach waiting.
i feel like i'm inside a house that i've never set my foot at all, yet in my heart i can imagine how it looks and feels like.
i feel like i'm part of something that i've longed yet fear, most of the time.
feels like, i'm waiting for the time to come...

i'm almost certain, yet sometimes so clueless.

No Torch In Tibet

i found this through a link of another photographer. everybody, u should check this out. it's an issue everybody's talking about. but i doubt any changes would be made on the relay route of the torch. freedom for other people, almost seems like a non-existence for them. as for us, we enjoy the freedom yet some are still afraid to say what they think. kalau mau minta tukar, cakap saja la jgn pura-pura.

as for me, i have much smaller decision to make.

new member joining Canon Family

canon EF-S 55-250mm f/4-5.6 IS

satu lagi meriam buluh yang akan masuk my canon family! yahuu!! getting it on monday, hopefully semuanya ok saja...

after this, senang lah mau candid gambar org yang jauh nun di sana wahahaha (ketawa jahat)

lepas dpt ne kena lah test-drive lense ne di mini zoo lokawi n ambil gambar monkey2 and hyppo, gajah, zebra (tedalah mini tlampau nampak gayanya). 2-3 hari ne tidur pun nda lena la ne, mandi nda basah...tapi yang penting MAKAN TETAP KENYANG wahahahaha

look what they brought home

it was so big, that mum have to 'use' other method untuk mensiang ikan ne. penyisik yang khas pun can't do the job, let alone a mere fork. mum used pisau daging untuk maksud mensiang. pisau daging?? i'm lost for words to describe a knife which is mightier than a kitchen knife yet not mighty enough to be called PARANG. yes, i need to polish on my Bahasa Melayu.

ya, ya. it could be that it's me yang jakun. nda pernah kah nampak ikan begini besar?? uhh, no. the last time i checked i'm a casual photographer, not an avid pengail, nda hari2 nampak ikan begini basar. for 10 minutes, i sat there with my mom, menayangkan kejakunan yang tahap maksima, macam kebaru-baruan. and in case ur wondering (if u open this picture in large), my 50mm didn't fail to be sharp, i was the one fail to be steady. bau ikan tu betul-betul menggangu otak dan otot-otot tangan. i'm clearly not a fan of fish :)

a pact i made

i was stuck in traffic, and a lot of things were flying in and out of my head. i was thinking...where in the world are my bestfriends from Poly are now. i know some are furthuring their studies, some are working...then it hit me...di mana kah Archie Nasarula? (sila baca dgn intonasi rancangan kanak-kanak 'Di Manaaaaa Joeeeeee Jambul'). i looked at the clock, 11-ish. he's not up yet. dapat kacau dia tdo lagiiii bagus!!

J : hoi pare, kumusta??

RC : sino pa??

J : hindi mo alam? brapa byk jua kawan mu org tagalog jo??

sure dia masih tidur! we talked for a while and he told me that he's @ Sandakan now. owwwh how i miss Sandakan so much! i really hope i can go after BAC finished their semester now... i really wanna go to places where i grew up...awww...pasti nya i'll go to Katong to re-visit my first of all firsts.

before i put down the phone, half-heartedly he asked, 'jo, ko ingat ka jo ko bilang kalau 40 sudah umur kita....?'

oh darn it! a pact that we made long ago, when we found we were compatible yet not so compatible. 'kawin kita kalau 40 kita belum kawin jo?? ingat jo ingat....p la ko cepat2 cari bini2 jo...palakas na kau uttu...manyasal kita kalau tkawin!!'

ahahahaha i know some of our other friends know about the pact, some even made a double pact with him...if 39 belum kawin kunun mau kawin sama Archie... APA KAMU PIKIR DIA IKAN MASIN KAMU MO BUAT SUKA2? hahahah it's all good...he's the only male in our class then...i guess we just love to play around with him... this post of endless blabbing is for u RC, we all miss u dearly...balik la kk jo!

and thx jo, we've been thru thick and thin. literally. thick then thin then thick again. makin gumuk kita uda jo!

i'd delete this post if i find it too embarrassing later on! heee

Bapa

My aunt ucu drove all the way from Sipitang with Mama and Bapa to kk. i'm so thankful that she got Tuesday off so she can bring Mama and Bapa.

in the afternoon, mom brought Bapa (along with Mama) to see Dr. Bachi. i was anxious to know what did the doctors said. i rushed back home after work, to find him taking a nap on sofa. i asked mum and the reports haven't came in from the Dr. few minutes later i heard him guessing 'ayang kah tu? mulih sudah ia?' how can a grandpa not be precise when it comes to granddaughter? he sat next to me, and asked Mama to bring him some dinner. 'ada jua luih mu antaie di kadai? inda jua ampuk sehaie ani?' (did u have any sales today?). caring as always, i'm glad that i'm seeing more of him lately. we talked, and i asked him about his ulcer. he said on Wednesday he'd go to the Dr. 'untuk begambaa' << means to take x-ray look of his stomach. later that night Amir came and i sat there watching him play with Bapa. i remember that. sama saja cara nya mbawa bemain, dari kami kecil sampai lah my bro ada anak pun, it's still the same. for a while there cemburu jua, cuba lah aku pun dapat damit bebalik. i believe (or i wanted to believe) that i've always been Bapa's favorite. i was his first granddaughter. surely i'm his favorite. somehow it must be.

after two days staying at home, they went back, my mom sent both of them to Sipitang since my dad is already waiting there. i hope everything would be okay with his ulcer in his stomach. i heard the infection is already in his lungs. but i just refuse to take that into account. did i tell u that i believe what i want to believe?

well, he's fine, really. he'd be okay after taking medicine. he's a man of science with a strong fighting spirit..that's my grandfather!

i wish i possess more. i wish i have more so i can give them more too. i'm dying to buy him a new television, one that doesn't suddenly turns the volume up by itself. but i dare not say it before i have enough, i don't want to keep him waiting. he said both him and Mama aren't really bothered by the tele's problem, he said he liked it that way, a constant reminder for my cousin acha (who's 5 or 6) not to mess with the tele or it'll 'shout' like that. if he said he wants it that way, nobody dare to say otherwise.

if only i have more time...i'd make it up for all time lost...for every moment that i was 'lost'. if only

day two

day two was a disaster!!

1. i over slept (slightly, really). but in any competition even a couple of minutes could mean a walkover for our competitor. kelam kabut me and tini sampai, sudah lah memang lambat dari rumah, terlepas lagi simpang p ums...when we arrived everybody was already in their bips (somehow that word is not in the dictionary, why?myb i misspelled it...but bips are jersey-like which indicates what position the player is playing). tini cepat2 pakai kasut and i was still ayung (paning) and masi lagi sibuk menanya 'coach, kita ka main ne coach? kita ka ne? palapes ka ne coach? coach, ari ne ada sandwich tuna ka lapar ne'. dengan gertakan yang memberi 'semangat' dr Cik Suzie i was in the court as soon as i get my shoes on without doing any stretching.
   
2. ....and approximately 7 minutes and 2 center-passes after that i was on the floor, jatuh tersungkur. all i heard was a loud thump of my ankle and followed by my head on the cement...thought i felt dizzy, clearly i hear 'nah sapa suruh lambat dtg kan coach bilang awal, tgk tu jatuh sudah sb xda warm-up'. did i tell u that my coach is very encouraging?. i felt even more ayung then before.
3. no doubt we lose that game. on the second half tini pun tersungkur sebab cuba merebut bola. we were the laughing stock of the game. all we hear after the game was padan muka! teda warm up!
4. after a bad luck with the game, yang lebih teruk tiba. my car habis hancur bumper and flat number pun patah. LARAK bak kata org. kesilapan dan kecuaian sendiri. makanya melayang juga duit sendiri. uh pls, i don't even wanna talk about it!
5. now, i'm officially Dayang Senandung -- that's what my mum call me. hitam merah berpanas 2 hari. 'u looked funny, mcm Dayang Senandung. ur nose, upper lips and forehead habis merah macam lobster.' thanks mum, u r very encouraging too.

well today i'm recovering from all the bumps and bruises that i got yesterday. after a game with UiTM confirm penuh dgn bumps and bruises. it's just the way we play it. nice with smiles on our faces because they are now literally our friends after 5 years of competing with each other -- yet aggressively shoving each other every time the referee turns away and can't see. it doesn't matter if we lose this game, there's always a next time. it just so happen that when they win this game, we'll win the next. tunggu la nanti open putri UMNO... panjang umur, i'd be Dayang Senandung again....hheeeee

day one

day one of UMS Netball Tournament (Open). the summary

-- EXCRUCIATING.

never in my history, that i feel berlari 5 round padang rugby would be this painful. macam preview of hell pula tadi i feel. masuk second half of the first game (Politeknik vs. Sabah State Library) i suddenly feel mcm kebas2 di tangan. macam mau kena mild-stroke pula. cun lagi jam 9 pagi punya game. poooonya panas!!

and yes yes, i knw. i graduated from Poly donkey years ago, but since it's open tournament makanya kami di bawah sayap Poly. i told u right, over and over again... Poly always in my heart no matter what.

tomorrow 0800 hours kami lawan PELAPES (ngam ka ejaan tu?) . siapppp kalau dorang buat bunyi hentak kawad dlm padang netball memang i tendang terus tu wahaaaaha! then lawan UiTM...sdh 5 tahun i play under poly mst lawan uitm...and dorang punya line-up first 7 pun mcm kami jua nda pandai tukar2...nda tau la bila dorang mau abis belajar di uitm tu...(eh?aku?) ketara la import sampai mati heeee (nasib bukan reserve sampai mati...)

if i feel macam nda brapa sayang tu my canon eos tu, confirm me bawa bisuk. tapi since i'd be playing ndada la sempat mau ambil gambar...tau2 kena ngap oleh org! ouh palis paaaalisss...

wish me luck! BAC la jua defend paling cun...weeehee...angkat badan yang seratus kilo and masuk bakul hehe

the bday girl

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!

this is especially for u..!
love u so much babe
because throughout the time you have proven youself
to be consistent
-consistently annoying
-consistently a crazy havoc
-consistently loyal
and most of all you are consistently yourself & sincere

...happy bday babe, love u, love BAC...

reminder

babe(s),

just so u know, nowadays anything that we did, no matter how wrong we were (and no matter how CAUGHT we were), everything can be retracted with this mighty words :-

"manada sa buat. teda. sa teda cakap".

it's like that. life's like that. relationships are like that. politics are like that. it's science. really.

april fool

it's been aeons and aeons since i last got an 'april fool' suprise. perhaps because of the age factor? i use to remember when we were small kids we would put a box full of talc powder on top of a half-closed door...dgn harapan the targeted peer would kena and bermandikan bedak..that was so primary school...my last April Fool was maybe in 1997, some 11 years ago.

so it's official, after tua & bangka ini, ada juga yang berminat mau main April Fool with me ya. the first hit was even before 1st April, Reny -- tersilap tarikh lagi. so i got an advanced April Fool, and more like she's the one yang kena April Fool sendiri. and the second one was nearly expired...lewat malam Noniey called crying like crazy saying that she's coming over cause she's having problems. punya la terkejut, i believed her sampai i'm ready to go wherever she is in the middle of the night...tau2 she's just playing with me! cis!

i got another one, yang terkena because kesilapan sendiri (ha Reny u know this one!!). nda pa la let me keep that to myself to save me from further embarrassment. aku sedar dan berasa malu (ala2 lagu mawi gitue wahahahaha).

oh April Fool, sungguh kafir sambutan ini...nampaknya tahun ne terjerat jua ya...tsk tsk... BAC,breakers of all the rules i set.

it's the season

wah teruk sekali this week. FLU geng. one of the worst i've ever had. all curled up in bed, sneezing badly at work (i'm sure my bro pun takut kena the flu from me, cuz that means amir will get it too and eventually his wife will catch it too), nose runny, eyes watery, body feels cold but my head is steaming hot!

sigh...means no photography outing this week :( this sneeze could literally make my nose come off! i guess it's the flu season, apart from me, 3 of my friends also have the flu (though i'm positive one of them got it from me, sorry babe heeee)

so everyone else who didn't catch it, arm yourself with more vitamin-C. as for me, i'm going to my doctor tomorrow.

Sungai Mengalong

akhirnya, budak-budak ini (sepupu-sepupu, adik, dan anak buah) sudah merasa mandi di air sungai mengalong (juga tidak dinafikan mesti ada yang terminum juga air sungai mengalong), baru lah boleh mengaku "Ya, saya anak jati SIPITANG".


my sister claims that she's 'terlampau bandaran' because she never got the chance to enjoy 'swimming' in Sungai Mengalong, padahal sungai tu di belakang rumah saja. when i was younger, every Hari Raya i looked forward to 3 things (a)meeting with cousins (b)FOOD galore and (c)mandi di Sungai Mengalong. Mulanya uja besia (sikapnya Pacik Salim jaan Angah Mastul) ada biawak tu Sungai Mengalong tu. au mengasi tu caita besia tu, we were out of the water in a nick of time! that's the only way they can pull us out of the water, by telling such stories. i think when my sister was younger, we didn't continue swimming at the sungai because most of my cousins are getting older like me, jadi kiranya malu lah kan bmandi2 di sungai sudah, and the little toddlers were really little (belum qualified untuk mandi) and aunties and uncles pun sudah limpas zaman kan mbawai kanak-kanak mandi. so for my sister Zura, yesterday was her chance (though not really swimming lah, we were only walking in flood water because simpang jalan tu tanggalam baah aing sungai mengalong) to know what it feels like to have air sungai mengalong between her legs. au bejasa ne sungai mengalong ne.

ani tah anak KADAYAN damanya -- this is what we call as anak kadayan. my cousin acha and my nephew amir dgn seluar pinjam nya tu. nampak betul xmuat kan? dua-duanya berenti mandi when my brother caught them swallowing too many water.. kalau di sungai nda pa jua, ani di jalan raya depan rumah ne, air banjir dari sungai mengalong sj. sebenarnya ndada yang di izinkan daddy untuk mandi aing baah (air banjir), but it started with one cousin...then another, and another, and another, hujung-hujung semua pun dalam air sudah -- including my brother yang claim he's only there 'untuk jaga anak' but i know deep down it's not that! ha!

ini namanya bgubang -- small sampan. doesn't look like my cousins are getting out of the water anytime soon...perhaps they haven't heard the story about biawak? heee mesti sepantas kilat dorang blari naik if they did.

bukan main lagi dorang sengaja masukkan air, as if they're finding the thrill in scooping out the water later on.

taking pictures and freezing their memories gave me great satisfaction, because i know how they feel playing in water. it feels like 14 years ago past so fast, but at last i can reconnect the feeling through the joy i see in their eyes. where ever we go, sungai mengalong tetap di hati, no matter what!

this was what it looks like around the house...

the actual river only starts after the rusty 'tong', so yang bahagian depan ne actually air sungai yang naik. mum pointed out and says 'sungai ne nampak macam bhantu saja' and later she carries on telling us stories about the famous dragon that lived up on a mountain, and everytime it floods, it is said that the dragon is also coming down from the mountain. some call this dragon 'tambuakaa' in mother tongue. my grandma later tells me that this 'tambuakaa' is GIGANTIC and is very long. 'maasai kau telihat kah nik?' -- have u ever seen it urself? and she said... 'au mistiiiiiiiiii lah inda maasai'. idih. i thought the long mistiiiiiii means she ever saw one. she said only few people did, but she assured me that there's such thing as 'tambuakaa'. interesting. more on tambuakaa here (a link to blogger A.S Kasah). tangah, minjam ku blog mu ah! thx :)

sungai mengalong, mun ku inda takanang yang aku ne pun basaa sudah, batah sudah ku mencabuu dlm aing tu kalamaie.

new pattern of flirting

i promised myself that i would blog about this, if and only if it happened to me for the 10th time. so everybody, feel lucky because it happened today, and the counting completed to 10. and because i promised myself that i would blog about it, here it is -- a blog, dedicated to the new pattern of flirting (at the risk of embarrassing myself).

since i started working, i happen to meet a lot of ppl; from all walks of life. some i can relate too, some i can hardly recommend anything that they would like. since working with my family means most of the time i would be at the shop, most of the customers i meet are woman because they are our major targeted end-user, but our real niche market are MEN.

some are genuine buyer, but i have met 10 that used the new pattern of flirting. yes, move over old fashion flirting ('hello, hi, can i have your number'). now we have something more appealing.

lelaki nowdays (not generally, at least the ten men that tried it at my shop) have a new tactics, subtle, yet it answers all my theory of STATISTIC. (see ren, this is what i mean by statistic).

how they operate:
jalan2 dalam kedai complimenting products that we have, sending friendly gestures, warm laugh, long eye contact (1 Mississippi, 2 Mississippi, 3 Mississippi, 4 Mississipi), asking question that have obvious answers and the blah blah blah that easily be summed as flirting. then sebagai finishing touch (the orthodox men would ask for number ka, single ka apa ka) they would say 'ok nanti i bawa my orang rumah untuk tgk2 sini'.

hah?? apa la tu?? i wasn't comfortable with the flirting in the first place, but was later insulted with such remark. apa kau nampak aku pun tertarik sama ko punya flirting tu? until u have to say that statement to repel me away from u?

then it all got connected in my brain (that have nothing better to think about) that it's all about the statistic. if Alice of L-word have The Chart, then i have The Statistic. it's all out in the open. why would a guy want to come into the shop, telling all his glory of his taste in fashion and how he's also eyeing what i think is beautiful, how he pose in all his expensive things, hinting how much money he have and hinting how important the project he's having (thus the need of mencari batik which led him to the shop), but in the end topping it off with a statement saying he's MARRIED? even if i were interested, that would definitely pull me away (one way or another?)

but according to my statistic, women are outnumbering the guys. there won't be many guys practicing monogamy anymore (men of my time), that's in my humble opinion. these 10 guys that did flirt and also told me that they are married are the kind of guys who thinks that being married is another quality marked as 'desirable'.

ntah lah. figure that out. maybe it's just me. but these 10 guys proved my theory right.

move on pls! move on!

it's like a death. but things that are surreal, sometimes sinks slower than it should. it's nearly 2 years, but it's hard to move on. death are better than this, because "people" say we can actually die of a broken heart.

nearly 2 years, i never thought it would be like this. until the 17th day of the third month this year, i must say, i'm still so into it. oh, this is hard to give up :) waiting for the next bus with rena. rain or shine baby, rain or shine! move on please.

and would u be ever so kind to spare me your change? i'm getting on the next bus...though leaving heavy-heartedly was never an option.

brain-racker

i've been racking my brain this week to finish various sets of sudoku and yet i never did finish any. it's HARD! tahap evil punya HARD. everytime i try to finish one, and i can't, i'd tell myself this must be because this one is evil stage (hardest). but when i scroll down i see it's labeled : EASY PEASY LEMON SQUEEZY. well it's not easy for me. ntah lah. could be that i'm a ****ing retard. sigh. how can an economics graduate like me who always play with numbers can't figure this out? sigh..

curiosity makes the kid turn away

my best shot this week. zoom skit gelang amir, it's PEMUDA BN SEDIA GEMPUR.
Pemuda yang sangat lah muda.

Kerusi N28 Sindumin

yesterday was voting day for Malaysia. sadih jua bila tlihat byk negeri yang di perintah oleh parti pembangkang. We, in the family strongly believe that 'there's always an ending to a beginning' and i'd always add that '...and often it's going to be very painful'. why so? sebab lumrah manusia, temaha tamak haloba, anything that they can get more of -- surely they will tighten the grip of it instead of stepping down. so once the 'END' hits in, it's going to be painful. example? Datuk Sami Vellu (or Value they like to call him) sudah bertanding 9 penggal! bukan kita tdk suka Datuk Sami Vellu, but Pak Lah should have send pendekar yang lebih tangkas, changes should be made before org jemu mengundi yang samaaaa saja for the past 32 years or so. kebanyakkan kerusi yang dimenangi pihak pembangkang mempertaruhkan muka baru dan muda.

election 2004 : PKR menang satu kerusi saja.
election 2008 : Jari kaki jari tangan pun nda cukup mau kira brapa dorang sudah menang
election 2012 : If still no changes, then a new dawn for Malaysia tu jadi realiti, but what kind of dawn i'm not sure. more like a dusk for masyarakat pro-kerajaan UMNO.

what changes we need? remember what Tun Dr M said, 'satu penggal cukup...' tapi nampak gaya nya 'tiada lah janji-janji begitu...' ok as u wish...

APA LA MAU JADI SAMA MALAYSIA, pembangkang sudah ada suara besar dalam parlimen. hopefully, suara besar saja la. kalau suara kuat tu, mengkhuatirkan. hopefully everything would be ok, i know so little, masih mentah dalam politik.

yesterday i was given the privilege to become 'unofficial photographer' for calon N28 Sindumin. actually nda la terror sangat, saja ja testing my 'reporter shots' konon. cheh!

Calon N28 Hj Ahmad Hj Bujang mbantu ayah, Hj Bujang Jamal setelah siap membuang undi di SK Sindumin. walaupun tidak dpt berjalan, namun tidak mematahkan semangat.

'ani besalam inda dapat batah2 ne kaang uja dangan ku bkimpin lagi'

the result was in a bit after 9 p.m (if i'm not mistaken). Hj Ahmad Hj Bujang (HJ A HJ B) won with majority 1,904. i think orang kampung sipitang already expected this, as N28 was never in the hands of the opposition party. but HJ A HJ B did made some early changes, he managed to pull some 236 voters that voted for the opposition on last election (based on majority won bt Datuk Sapawi Hj Ahmad on 2004).

SYABAS, lepas ne boleh lah blanja makan reporter ne heeeeee

at last!

yes, i know, readers myb yawning because most of my post is photography-related, i promise i'd blog about something else next time *wink*.

as i told yesterday, today is a joy day as it's the day my 50mm f/1.8 II joins the family!

my skill may suck, but this lense doesn't! i'm still stumbling here and there with configuration, but the bokeh (blur efect) of this pic is to die for!

another to join my canon camp...

yeah! everybody be happy! i'm gonna get my 50mm f/1.8 II tomorrow...gonna get that nice bokeh on all pic after this...as my daddy said, this is such a spoilt child hobby...once started, can never be stopped. i guess my mom n dad accepted that a few hundreds ringgit ago!

above is the lens referred to as 'fantastic plastic' as it can achieve a very nice bokeh like the black&white picture above..it's el-cheapo yet very satisfying!

update!!

ciannnn my blog ne nda kena peduli bah. tuan nya pun melimpas2 bukan menjenguk, saja ja masuk untuk masuk link yang lain. hooo kesiannya...

nothing much interesting happening lately, thus nothing to blog about. recently, because of kesibukan of everybody in the family, most of the time i'm working alone in CPS instead of Karamunsing. Suprising enough, i still manage to arrange coherent words after nearly a week working there. CPS is soooo boring! my laptop is at karamunsing, so i have no interactive interaction whatsoever! my only chance to chatter away is either i have a customer or a friend (or two) would drop by. tsk tsk... i'm not used of CPS, karamunsing rocks much better because i know more people there and it feels like home.

but since i'm working at CPS, means i'm nearer to my camera heaven! >> investline! went to pick up my long awaited close-up filter (ya la ya la belum ada duit mo beli macro lense!) which is amazing because it can blow up pictures!

FOR MY HEROES

When we ask for Strength, God gave us Difficulties to make us strong.
When we ask for Wisdom, God Gave us Problem to solve.
When we ask for Prosperity, God gave us Brain & Brawn to work with.
When we ask for Courage, God gave us Danger to overcome.
When we ask for Love, God gave us Troubled people to help.
When we ask for Favors, God gave us opportunities wide open.
We receive nothing that we wanted, but EVERYTHING we needed.

to all my fighters, i wish u long lasting determination to face every obstacle. to my dear Dad -- i love u, you are the strongest fighter ever! and Mom -- u can do it! and last but not least to my dearest Lybby, you are always locked deep in my heart no matter how far u are...

guess

***this is a flashback story***

mom : wah, so nice ah ur guess bag. brapa la harga nya?

me : mmm...ada jua la...

mom : au, ada tu bana. busin2...

me : nda jua...around 3

mom : 3 what? hundred? *mata membulat besar*

--silent--

she called my dad...

mom : 3ratus plus plus. CAN U IMAGINE THAT?

me : dad, it's like 'GUESS what daddy i have money'

mom : more like 'GUESS what, it's very expensive'

DAD : MORE LIKE 'GUESS WHAT? U AIN'T GONNA GET NO RAISE NEXT MONTH'

checkmate!

breath taking

i'm just awed with God's creation. terasa diri ne kecil bila tgk something as beautiful as this. a picture i took when i was on my way back from kl.