my '07 birthday

i have this thought that this year would be a bitter birthday since my parents is not around, cuz then i knw my brothers would forget my birthday too cuz they never do unless my dad n mum give them reminder (through a buffet dinner nonetheless). my sister always remember my birthday as her birthday is a week apart from mine.

my best and most memorable birthday would be when i turned 9. i was a bit bumped at first cuz neither my dad nor my mom greeted me happy birthday in the morning (the brothers pun jgn harap la), but my dad told me that we'd be having dinner at my fav place, XO; of which i recall is situated in Bandar Ramai-Ramai Sandakan. i can still remember what i wore, a cute grey skirt with purple bow on my head...(it's post 80's, gimme a break!). heran jua tgk my parents senyum lebar2 but still didn't wish me happy birthday. my uncle went to the car and brought a cake from the car...it was a huge cake with cute garfield on it..that was the last cake i ever had with candles for birthday. still it was the best birthday i ever got, perhaps because of the anticipation -- with parents and brothers being extra nice though haven't gave me the wishes.

yesterday was my birthday. i turned 22. biani mun birthday di tunggu2 sb luan nunggu umuu meningkat. kaang ani inda lagi. turning 22 made me feel much much much older, yet not much wiser than before. turning 22 made me feel that i have more responsibility to take. and most importantly (and obvious) turning 22 made me think that all type of clock is ticking away without me having any improvement.

supposedly to celebrate my birthday me and my girlfriends would be going out for dinner, but since babe's mom is here we switched plans and have a small gathering at babe's house instead. birthday girl turned to be driver girl, driving babe's mom to menggatal to visit her relative. there, i get the best gift for birthday i could ever had.

it was a piece of advice to me from babe's uncle, a wise man indeed.

"lai, walaupun ko habis sudah diploma, uncle faham baiknya ko karaja arah bapa mama mu. tapi don't ever stop learning. kalau boleh sambung lagi ke degree, master. InsyaAllah, berjaya. kita mengambil sijil ani bukannya untuk bkaraja arah dangan saja. it's self-fulfillment and most importantly qualification will make u qualified to be a leader. kitani kekurangan banar pemimpin org diri!"

i was deeply moved. there he sat, and i take that very much like a fatherly advice. it's God's blessing for me. people can say million words, millions of times, but if it's really what Allah wanted and what my parents have been praying for for years, it need only once to be said, and will instantly have a deep place in heart.

for me, that's the best gift ever.

though my parents forgot to greet me, but it's understood that there is time difference between here and there. plus they are leaving Madinah after Asr for Makkah. mum and dad called and greet me, i doesn't matter if it's late, all i know is their prayer is with me.

happy birthday to me, a year older, hopefully much wiser.

berpinar-pinar bigi mata

am i there yet? <-- my most frequent question swimming inside my head. not that i'm going anywhere and waiting to get to the point of destination. it's just how i felt. not only my head that feels like swimming. my vision. my feeling. terutama bigi mata (eyeballs).

hard for me to get up from bed, let alone do the morning exercise! i woke up at 9, figured that i had no time for exercise no more. i sat on my bed, cari my towel and went to my moms room...and took another dive on the bed. i sleep in for another few minutes before taking my shower.

it's only 5 and blaing sudah mata ku. i'm so messed up, feel like going home a.s.a.p cuz i have this question i keep asking myself sudah kah ku tutup iron tu tadi ah?

abis lah if i didn't switch it off.

this is such a bad day. i think i forgot to switch off the iron. i was late for work (thus at that moment of kelambatan all bad thoughts dtg menyinggah di otak, like about the iron). i was tired and my head keep on spelling the word lethargic, i don't know why. i forgot to bring my wallet and didang called asking me to buy kaki ayam for dinner.

at this point, dinner is such a vague destination. IT'S ONLY 5!!~

my question is, why do everytime kita mo bergegas we'll remember everything that we should be doing and whether we already did it or not, e.g switching off iron & tambak api, locking our house, tutup pam air and so much more. it's like my parents pny nasihat abt do's and don'ts flashing in front of me on my 15 minute ride from home to work. i'm careless. that's a fact.

recently

well, recently, mom and dad safely went for Haj. i cried like a lil baby, but who r u kidding, this is daddy's girl we're talking about.

first day of getting to work without parents fussing over this and that is a real....RELIEF.at last i can do things on my own pace. but when it comes to the second, third day...erm...it's such a torment where i have to pick up after my brother and sister. afterall this, i think the fussing is necessary to get us doing something that we should have been doing.

that's getting to work. at work on the other hand, is another challenge. today is Day 5 of coding all the inventory into our cash register. pening! too many things to do.

yesterday on the other hand, somebody popped by to make my day :) my darln eve came by. her exact word was pura-pura datang. it's good to know that she remembers me and actually came by to chat.

we went for our lunch, but on our way finding what to eat (mind-boggling task for me, daily!) we heard a loud bump and as i trun i saw an old guy on the floor. i didn't know what to do, and snapped out of it to help him up. he was disabled in some way, but for me at that moment, eve's heart was in 'disable' mode. we both helped the old man, let him sit for a while, and i check whether he's ok. i felt bad to the point where i lost my appetite (skit la, i masih chow down on my food hehe). but eve was okayyyyy saja. i thought she was in 'disable' mode, where actually she got it sll figured out. 'he's fine la. we helped him right? u want what? ask him what he needs? next he say he wants food and ask you to send him home, how?'. well that kinda make sense. few minutes later, i saw him in mcD asking for ppl's change. eve said don't even bother, 'look at the shoes, it's still brand new!'. i know that she meant to help me, jgn baik hati sangat, but somehow there's something about the way that old man looked that made me pity him so much. i just hope thatone day, if my dad need help, or need a lift, there would be ppl coming to help him.

perhaps it's just me missing my dad. and it's only 3 days??? gosh.

boss la konon key said. 'boss'. boss at making bad decision! haha!

still dealing with the insurance and the figure they should reimburse. still dealing with coding. still dealing with waking up early in the morning. still dealing with me turning 22. better luck. and eve, as loud as both of us can be, i'm still happy she dropped by :)

the ride

daddy : ayg, open the window

*me scrolling down the window*

me : what is this for again?

daddy : you see that guy in front of us tadi. aiyor, asal kereta dia teruk betul. ppl like them we label as tidak makan saman.

me : and opening the window for...?

daddy : ya la, u know the asap poisonous punya! we're letting the gas out la. once there was a guy who tried to kill himself by inserting the carbon monoxide back into the car. stupid way to die.

----deep silence----

me : daddy aren't we letting more carbon monoxide in with the window open?

daddy : eh, i'm trying to teach u something ah!

i'm so gonna miss daddy trying to teach me something and making few points clear and making up his 777-ways-for-a-girl-to-live for me. so sweet. i don't care if it makes sense in a second and doesn't on the other. all i know is that somebody is wanting me to live a better life. them leaving tonight :(

see the sky

this is hot. i so wanna know who took this picture (and who's the hot girl). found it on some spanish site that i stumbled in. so niceeeee

like i know right?

this past few days, it past in a quicker pace. have been day dreaming a lot (than usual). looking thru the window shop and tgk karamunsing starts decorating for Xmas. kadang2 looking outside tu i feel mcm i'm somewhere in kl pula. the decoration is extra nice this year. thumbs up for Crest M. (tho thumbs down for the pipe leakage in our shop ;[ )

i surfed the net for random things, and i was like thinking, perhaps i can check out some stuff that i want for my birthday. like i know right? like i'm so clever. since i had no time to window shop, with mom and dad going for Haj soon, why not just surf the net. than i found out that there is a great thing online called wishlist, and i think it's like the easiest thing to let ppl know what you want, like i know right? but it was a bit fussy registering and all.

that's hot!

and i know you're like extremely annoyed with the way i blog, like i know right?? hahaha actually i've been dloading the hills season 1 and have been watching it over and over again, not mentioning i saw it once on MTV. and their way of talking kinda seep through me haha...i just love them so much...they are so VIP styled...LIKE I KNOW RIGHT???

picture of the day

so true. no wonder.

mumbles (of nothingness) to myself

• eat before tanda-tanda of gastric mula muncul. it's never fun to have gastric. plus the ulcer involved, the potential for more money spent on memulihkan diri dari gastrik.
• i haven't seen much of the world. i mean the other, other part of the world. not just around the block down the hood.
  
• ...thus save money for travelling
• this weight, unnecessary weight is really unnecessary. i know that i need (read:need!) to lose all these burden
• people tend to label the 'this-friend' and the 'that-friend' but i'm just happy to be one of the friend that they know they can fall on to (literally). it doesn't matter lah if not included here and there, but u know. (actually this untuk menyenangkan hati sendiri)
• birthday coming soon. i hope no surprise party or anything (including lunch ka dinner ka...) cuz 1. i don't like to celebrate it, 2. i don't want group of friends fussing over me turning 22, 3. i just don't want to have one!
• but i still wonder what would i get for my birthday hehehe
• i think (i'm positive) somebody's gonna give me a 5-day shopping spree heee thx (i spoil the surprise myself)
• uwaaaaaa mum n dad going soon :(
• i really should be speeling sleeping now
• this is such a waste of time. menyalah gunakan the so-called digital notepad. whaddevvvvvv~~~
  

the one left behind

yesterday was a day off, to drive home to sipitang. since mum, dad, ucu & uncle, mama & bapa going to leave for Haj soon; which is on Tuesday morning, a kenduri arwah was done after prayer last night to mark them going soon.

it was kinda sad, i know i'm used of not having mum and dad around all the time, but to this clueless little faces?

they can't even understand why their parents are leaving for almost 45 days. right before we drive back to kk, i had a small talk with hasya and everytime i talk about how soon will her parents be going and how she must be super nice to her baby brother, she just smile and pretends that she didn't hear it. it must be real hard on her. living with her grandparents and having other ppl than her parents to take care of her. sigh. i can imagine that. i've been through that once. and it's kinda rough.

coincidently, when we were already in Beaufort, mum received a call saying that her uncle's wife's mother passed away a few minutes before the call. the term kenduri arwah literally carries the exact meaning.

we entered the house, mum & dad directly went to read holy verse for the arwah. terkejut juga cuz when i entered the house i think i saw the arwah sitting in the living room. i took a second glance, took a deep breath of relief because it was just my imagination. old people tend to look alike, just like all babies tend to look alike too.

i was kinda sad, though i'm not that close to her, but i know her. the drive home was a bit quiet, perhaps everybody else is thinking what i'm thinking too. i think, i need to start going back to visit my grandparents more often. need to listen to them more.

i asked bapa if he can pray for my success in building my own business soon. he said that he want none other than for me to be happy doing what i choose to do, and he said that he'd be happy to know that i wanna be an entrepreneur just like how he build his family up.

"Death stares at up in the eyes 70 times a day, and still the angel of Death is puzzled why we are still laughing the day away, when Death is too near"

soaked on monday

well, today, work is work as usual (playing computer games, blogging, friendsterizing, and a bit work here and there). had another new piece of work coming in (more like piece of $#!t, haha! joking lah!) i didn't know that there would also be people out there, hating sequin so much that they would actually send the material here so that i can take the sequin off. well i guessed wrong. there IS people who actually really really hate sequin.

got a call from the insurer (of Crest M.) asking for a claim list. uh, didn't we like did that together 2 days ago? i said positive positive positive that the claim list if already final.

on the other hand, who'd know this kind of thing would happen to the boutique. soaked with water, almost half of the boutique kena air, needless to say our inventory. what a luck. nasib this happened when my daddy's around. if when they're not here (another 6 days), i dunno la, habis rambut i tercabut berfikir.

i guarantee you that water (black in color, yang lain2 tu tambahan dari the makcik yang cleaning it up) consist of air tikus yang sudah mati!

soaked!

well i didn't know that the bomba's water sprinkler boleh suddenly burst, and to my surprise the water was FILTHY it made my skin rash a bit. sure, mesti ada tikus mati in the sprinkler tank. pls pray that the insurer wouldn't be too hard on us. i mean, we are already in great loss. when both the insurer and us make the claim list they were more than willing to tolak every single item yang nampak tidak damage. 'lembap saje tak kire lew Cik' eh, org semenanjung? nampak muka macam kubis juga. tsk tsk...

i hope next time i know how to deal with this kind of things if daddy's not around to handle it. lessons in life.

the diary of a celebrated model

1. a model is always late; tho they refer to it as fashionably late. whatever it is called, it still means that the production somehow have to be postponed for an hour or two (that's if you're lucky). most of the time, they'd be late because of a hangover (from a party last night), stuck in traffic, hair appointment went on extended hours, not feeling well and so on. the below model, on the other hand is just too lazy to get up, he's still limpang-limpang when the shooting session is supposed to start.

i'm still resting!!

2. a model always refuses for a touch-up and makes the i'm-so-annoyed face expression. they believe that since they are the model, they know pretty much how to put their own make-up on. and being the diva (or divo) that they are, a photo count should always be based on them, not the photographer. if the photographer pandai-pandai do the counting, the below result is the consequence.

i said i'm not ready!!

still not ready!! can't u see??

3. a model always, always tease and play with the camera. giving bad poses intentionally. giving poses that cover certain part of their face. in this case, the left eye.

i'm told to work the nike brand so that's what i'm doing, that's why i'm tilting my head for a clear view of the brand.

4. when we instruct the model to do something, they'll always overdo it.

u want vain? i'll give you vain! u want sexiness, i'm pouting my lips!

5. but it's always worth the wait for some really perfect shot!!

cover shot for kids sport wear magazine 2007

perfect 10/10. gangsta style! breed to be vain and a perfectionist!

just a little lovin early in the mornin

everything seems to be more beautiful in the morning! and i mean early early in the morning.

such an awesome God creation.

woke up early in the morning as usual for a jog. i can't help but stop to admire the beautiful color of the bougainvillea. likas was full blown with colors from blooming flowers. it must be some kind of spring here during this time of the year. such a good view for a morning jog. i am happy that i'm keeping healthy and determine *wink*

morning gossips between feeding the fishes. that's so multi-tasking. i bet they are talking bout the neighbor next door who's sleeping with a certain someone or somebody's business going down.

and yes, I AM still jogging at that time. i know, i know. where did i get the time to take pictures of people and flowers. multi-tasking are made for girls :) but yeah, i was actually trippin' for a while.

that's not quite right

now that's better. this is no other than TRIPPIN'. i feel like i'm in L.A or something with those trees at the back

introducing the circle of hell. it's F&^%ing painful! i can't even imagine how somebody behind me can brisk walk on this thing. i can barely stand!

*counting and hoping*

just a thought

i was browsing thru my friendster when i stopped by my junior's page. one of her friend (who is also my jr) happens to brag (sorry i can't help it but i think she is) about just how L-U-C-K-Y she was to get a job, a permanent one with pension and mind you her pension age would be 56 (why wud she state that, i pun tak paham! i mean that's pretty obvious).

what does that screams to me? >>> "i'm secure with a job serving the government, working for another pathetic 35 years literally kissing somebody's ass, kerja makan gaji with perhaps kenaikan gaji yang berlaku every 10 years"

i'm sorry i'm not here to offend :-
a. government servants. where would we be if they are slouching
b. people who decided to work until their pension age
c. ass kisser
d. ppl who makan gaji

perhaps i don't know any better. not that i'm proud of where i'm and decisions i took, but for her to B-R-A-G about it? puh-lease honey. wake up smell the coffee. there's nothing great about working for other ppl with a boss who have a heart a size of a pea.

and i'm also not here t offend
e. bosses

maybe, just maybe, I'm wrong and maybe somehow my theory seems fair only to my judgment but somehow i think those deserving stuck-ups did the same when i made my decision of staying where i am!

so, c'est la vie.

p/s: sorry but i'm just pissed that she bragged about it. my real problem was that exactly.

es britney perra

some say it was a bad performance. the look on the audiences face were priceless! at first her performance were drowned by the dancers, but she step up at around -1:25. a bit before the end of the song she stopped lip syncing all together.

'yeah it's great if you consider her hands-in-the-air as dancing!'
'she look like she's about the pass out or something!'
'why would she wear a bra&panties if she think she's fat?'

some of the critics. but what the hell, the one criticizing definitely are not the fan. why even bother. i just happen to love her music. that's right, es britney perra!

midnight's perhaps

the thinking starts midnight. the thinking start just a liiiiittle bit too annoying but still clinging to the last piece of nerve in the back of my mind.

perhaps it's time. to get back. to what Alice of L Word refers to as the good ol' boy-girl relationship. considering, considering, considering.

nah. i can do without boys, guys, man, wadeva, for the time being. i can't stand the typical guy = football, late on dates, insensitive, sloppy, easily gratified by tatas (eventually will lead to the next 'quality'), sex driven...and so on. the list may go on and on and on.

perhaps the way i judge men wud rub them the wrong way (i'm certain they will) since there is nothing nice that i said about them. but what can i say, most of them are as described. perhaps some will say i'm shallow. perhaps i'm. i don't mind because this is what i think. you, on the other hand may say whatever u please too.

and yes, it's true what my friend said, NO DOUBLE STANDARDS PLEASE. i want what i want, i don't have to please other ppl. period.

as for now, boy-girl relationship ranked in at the very bottom of my list, if not at all. i love guy friends, just not as partners. lagipun i play for the all girls team! haha! the whole different ball game, just like key's "friend" described ppl like us. WUDEVA BITCH!

rainy rainy

the time crawls so slowwwwwwww today.
hungry, not hungry.
bored.
not feeling so well.

i felt a bit tense on my shoulder, and coincidently one of my customer today owns a reflexology just a level up from the boutique. she gave a warm invitation to her shop where she provides a whole body massage....mmmmm sounds great....an hour full of massages from head to toe...just what i needed! plus it's only $50...perhaps i'd go tomorrow

TOMORROW :-
1. have a hair treatment
2. shop a bit
3. see friends
4. have 2 mangkuk of mak mok's delicious bakso...yumm!! :)
5. stop by at key's wall-of-art, can't wait to see the project!

maybe i should squeeze in the body massage...after all mummy's going soon and it'd be us 3 working day and night, non stop till u drop.

i'm happy to see the sun for the first time after few days of rainy afternoon (morning, evening, night = whole day raining). that gives me hope that soon i can start to jog in the morning with daddy. feeling sluggish after too long of zero exercise. let's see this time whether my determination could actually last :) being 22 and healthy!

captured!!

me n my bro were both eager to see who captured who first. a typical day at work...desperately finding a way to kill time...