Ramadhan, 16th.

tick tock tick tock. eh?? 16th Ramadhan already? so what am i to do with all this work yang masih lagi berjela2?

that took me about 3 days to finish. i have another 5 to finish up, 2 yang sudah booking space, and i have the whole week next week untuk terima tempahan from a regular customer yang memang anak branak punya baju mo minta di bikin. nampak gayanya baju gue yang nggak sempat nich!!

di kala terpaksa,
keperluan dan kepentingan bulanan,
sentiasa mengikis gaji bulanan,
makanya,
mampu atau tidak semua tempahan saya tetap katakan...

'ya kak, saya boleh buat ne'

good bye night sleep. good bye social networking. hello beads.

my dedication

this blog is dedicated to all Sung Siew's Girl Scout batch '97 who turned gay. i'm not implying that it's okay to do so, but yet i have no problem with ppl making their own decisions

some are really proud bout it, some say it shud be something kept to ourselves.
whaddeva it is :
i'm glad it's all out hehe

and i knw!! i memang dalam group bunga yang paling tak besh! yang paling mundur! yang paling nda happening!! (m.e.l.u.r) but at least i was nominated as best girl scout '97!! wpun i tak menang!! n kalah to rozaireen (ouch i guess that's what responsible on my ego being bruised)

day off

woke up a bit late today. i searched thru my bed (really messy bed) to search for my cell so i can check what tym it is. i can't even bother to search any longer. all i know is that i'm late.

after a fast 7 minutes shower, i got dressed for work when mummy shouted from downstairs 'You're taking the day off today. stay at home with your sister!!' ahh...the joy of working for family is that your boss have the compassion for you when they know you stayed up all night working on a customer's order.

i didn't do much. laze around the house. tried to sleep but i can't. dad called reminding me to clean up my room >> 'that's what your day off is for, manis'. he also told me that ambank called and i got the job i applied a month ago.

disappointing, i know, for me to tell you all that i decided to turn down the offer. i called rena before calling ambank to tell them that i decided to stay with the family business. that's what d.i.p.l.o.m.a b.u.s.i.n.e.s.s s.t.u.d.i.e.s is for >>> business. i decided to stay, for the sake of family, for the sake of my own interest in opening a business of my own one day and for the sake of money (haha!) i earn more now than i will earn working at ambank. cocky, maybe. but that's reality baby. i gather up my courage, called ambank and do what i gotta do. 10-minutes later, they call my dad back (he was a family-friend) and asked that perhaps i can think it over before giving a final say.

i already made up my mind.

got a call earlier on from babe telling me that she's going to tg aru to meet with dk. 'her house got burned down', she said casually, and i didn't really take it seriously, as i was still a bit 'bintang2' (pening2). then when i went online baru lah i tau betul2 pula ada rumah terbakar di tg. aru!! i called dk right up and she was bummed that the incident happened, but thank the Lord that her house was saved! i called up again at night just to check whether everything is okay, and asked if any damage was done...myb terbakar ckit or anything...'we were lucky that the house in front of us sj yang kena api, we were saved by the fire fighters...and there were no damaged done by the fire...just by the bomba lah yang menyembur air p rumah kami. habis basah!'

whatever it is, i still thank Lord that everything is ok. i have faith in God that my loved ones would be taken care of.

i hope all 300 ppl made homeless because of the fire would be ok. what an Eid they would be having this year. my prayers are for them.

we all should be thankful.

i cleaned up my room petang2 skit.....and at last i found the air-conditioner's remote buried under piles (& piles) of cloths..i had a bad sneeze after...berhabuk!!

i need the les cleaner from l-word :(

Ramadhan, 13th.

it's the 13th day of Ramadhan. nothing evolve much (except for my list of customers waiting for their beaded kurong to finished by me) -- and i mean literally, cuz i have been eating the same thing 13 days straight for my sungkai.

>> the typical tea...my favourite...!!this is what the table looks like few minutes before sungkai. still quite crowded with my measuring tape n beads. i'm currently working on a crepe silk which is SUPER DUPER fragile and easily berlubang...even dgn menyucuk jarum and benang pun sudah bercerai...apa lagi dgn kehadiran manik...it seems impossible, but the customer insisted that it is possible. then ma'am, i have to say that the price also would be equally possible :)


>> oh did i tell u i like tea? hehe. my second round. mum thinks it's ridiculous to have all 4 tea bags at one time. two of the first round, and two fresh one. 'i haven't feel the kick of the first one mum, this might do it with all four inside!!' wahuahua...i think mum sometimes view me as a very strange daughter. i know she does.

>>nyum2...13 days going to 30!! huhuhu

why my weight is still the same is still mind-boggling. i eat 2 meals a day during ramadhan and that's that. weight:same, if not more.

hoping. and hoping. and hoping.

forbearance...NOT!!

customers can be a pain sometimes. asking for sizes for the exact fabric and material. read: B-O-U-T-I-Q-U-E. means everything here is exclusive. i wouldn't have 5 of the exact things for different sizes.

then after sizes, comes the matter of color. they rummaged through the shop insisting on color such as 'dark turquoise-bluish-greenish' like hello? turquoise is in fact greenish-blueish. and get this, 'merah merah maroon but more like purple'. so where does the 'merah-merah' goes if it's maroon if it's purple? maybe at times they are truly searching for the exact color for their hari raya theme for their family (read:beli lah segulung kain yang sama), but most of the time they tried on kurongs or kebaya or modern jubah and decided (in the fitting room, nonetheless) that they don't want it (after trying like 7 outfits) because the color ain't right. so why tried it on the first place if it's red and u wanted YELLOW? since this is getting more familiar to me, i just make the assumption that they actually baru ternampak the price tag inside the fitting-room when they are trying it on. because when i gave them the yellow instead of red, they still say they need a lighter-darker shade. like WHATEVVVVVVVVVVVVV.

then after the size, came the color, and then come the price issue. some didn't even ask for discount, but some insisted on it. '5 ringgit sajaaaaa?' telan liur saja lah but i have to put up with it. then ada lagi the classic move, the classic of them all. 'nie teda harga offer kah for Hari Raya? atau sekarang hari raya you kasih naik harga pula?'

stupid @$$!! nasib i puasa. sabar saja lah. naik harga konon. u pikir ne kedai jual ayam kah bang sampai kami suka2 naikkan harga?

sabar sajalah......

rapture

the past few weeks had been mind-blowing with exhilaration. with Ramadhan already a few days in (alhamdullillah dpt juga menjalankan ibadah puasa sekali lagi tahun ini), things have been really busy with customers coming in and out buying new clothes for hari raya preparation. at times i feel the pressure, but at some other point, i'm happy that this year i'm helping with my family's business.

[amir's birthday]
it was on 12th September. i would put his birthday picture, but i wasn't invited to the party. haha! he had a small party, attended by himself, his mummy and his daddy. 'you din invite his playmates from next door??' my mom asked. few days after his birthday, they came for a visit to our house.

...this was a candid picture of my officially 2-years young nephew. but he insisted on having a picture perfect...he's happy to see that his picture is perfect with that grin hehe.

i asked him 'amir skrg sudah 2 tahun, apa yang amir buat lebih dari waktu amir 1 tahun?' as if understanding what my every single word meant, he said 'makan'. haha!getting bigger meaning eating more?





this is a picture of amir eating bubur durian. actually i meant to take his pic alone, but my brother along insisted that he's also in the picture. i was clever to pick a pic that he's not looking into the camera.




[meet-up]
this week, i met another long lost friend, my sayang evelyn. it has been 7 years since we last saw each other. she repeatedly said to me, 'it's like we are fated to be together right? we have been in touch and out of reach for the past 7 years, losing each others phone number'. i was glad i met her. i'm glad i have a friend like evelyn.

having a family already, i asked evelyn twice, 'are you happy with where you're at?' not that i'm being judgmental, but naturally i just wanted to know how is it coping with a husband and an adorable 4 year old. she said that she's more than happy, and she was glad that she married at a young age. 'how can i not be happy?i have everything'. if rena heard this, both of us would be killing ourself inside (specially ren hehe). being married and all. she's awesome.

as we were enjoying our lunch (we were having it at usagi) she said that my laughter is still the same. the same rhythm of laughter. we flashback on how we became friends at first, how she switched her tuition session to match mine too. and we laughed out loud when we remember when we wrote a really hot and sexy and raunchy letter to the nerd of the class. she gave the wordings, i wrote it with my left hand. i wrote it with my left hand because i have a funny felling that the nerd (and very2 naive) would give the letter to our tuition teacher. kalau tulis with my right hand mati lah! memang dia dpt cam. but wat were we thinking?? 'when we were young ah, we were like daring betul, din think even an inch longer!' that was what eve said.

i really miss her so much.

[3rd ramadhan]
we bersungkai di tempat mak mok. she's going back to jawa barat on the 18th. we were all there, me, tini, dk, ayang and even her cousin. mak mok was utterly happy to see us, her 'anak-anak' here in the land where she strive for a living for her daughters in jawa barat. we hugged her so tightly, and i asked her will she be back...she said for sure she wud...'kalau nggak balik ngkos ndidik budak2 ya nggak ada,lagi susah mau hidup,lagi susah mo makan pakai'

some people take money for granted. but not mak mok. we paid for our sumptuous meal which only cost 25ringgit. she held the money in her hand and said that 'ini aja udah cukup anak-anak mak mok makan 5 hari!!' she joked i know, but i hugged her even tighter. i know she must miss her babies so much. it has been 1year and a half, and after 2months and a half, it would be another 1 or 2 years. i shud be granted to have a mother to go home to.

i always look up to her.

happy ramadhan to all.

labyrinth

tho today's extremely busy, with mom just arriving last night from KL. there were lotsa things to do. but when somebody i miss so much call me up, i can't care bout anything other than to meet up. the long awaited 'meet-up'.

i was happy to see key at last, for 4 months now. i would have counted the days, discreetly of course, because i have endlessly joked about key's good memory for counting days and keeping dates. i told key that somehow the action of keeping the precise dates (and sometimes even precise times!) are just too pathetic and nerdy. without key knowing, i too counted the days that we were apart.

it's like my feelings are all mixed up. i'm so happy; for it's been a while. i'm so mad; because it's been a while. ashamed; that i let myself feel so bad for so long. it turns out that we were both shutting other people from our lives because of the same thing -- everything was so ugly and messy that we decided to just leave it like that.

it took a couple of hours, but i can assure that we were both still the same person. i tried hard to hold back tears of frustration hearing stories from key. it's just that key's voice is so familiar and it reminded me the warmth from the things i use to have. i had it back, i keep reminding myself that. i had it back. i had it back.

we talked bout lots of stuff and we were figuring things a moment at a time. everything takes tym...dat i reminded key over and over again. i guess key's not the player that was portrayed all along. so cushy mushy up inside :)

[night]
after a long day at work, we went out for dinner at the same place me and key had lunch -- Grace Garden. when daddy was talking, my head was somewhere else. today really meant something to me. the reality of my being. the reality of everything. i'm just happy that i made my transition and i'm happy where i am.

i accepted the reality that we have lots of different lovers from all walks of life, and lovers do come and go, leaving us with memories; whether we decide to live our life with the memories or just let it be a thing of the past. i strongly believe that memories are something that we can't really erase completely from our life. perhaps we don't feel the same anymore bout lotsa things, but reminiscing on things perhaps will give us the sense of familiarity, dat's why we can remember everything so vividly and clearly but part of feelings are already missing.

funny how dk txted me late at night saying that the memory of kissing lucy is so vivid and that dk think that the actual smell of lucy's neck is still very much there...in the corner of dk's memory library for past lover. 'on the other hand manis, i still do kiss daya passionately.' and that was the last words.

i'm over few people, and i'm still finding a way to deal with the others. sometimes they just won't leave. perhaps i'll just let their memory linger, without having to deal with it so much.

i'm hoping to be braver day by day.

and i'm so happy this couple of days, i have everybody from my previous phase of life coming back to really live in my present. thx wany,ram and key for coming back. good friends are hard to find. i love my life.